Two and a Half Men
TV14
Sitcom
The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.
Cast & Crew
Jon Cryer Alan Harper
Charlie Sheen Charlie Harper
Ashton Kutcher Walden Schmidt
Conchata Ferrell Berta
Angus T. Jones Jake Harper
Holland Taylor Evelyn Harper
Marin Hinkle Judith
Melanie Lynskey Rose
Chuck Lorre Executive Producer
Don Reo Executive Producer
Jim Patterson Executive Producer
Chuck Lorre Creator
Lee Aronsohn Creator
⨁Full Cast & Crew
Upcoming TV Airings
The airings below are based on a generic national schedule. Times and dates can vary by TV provider.
Tuesday, April 7
Smell the Umbrella Stand
Season 2 • Episode 15
Charlie tries to distract Alan from an upcoming medical procedure by planning a trip to Las Vegas.
Tuesday, April 7
Can You Eat Human Flesh With Wooden Teeth?
Season 2 • Episode 16
Alan and Charlie spend an eye-opening week caring for Jake.
Tuesday, April 7
Woo-Hoo, A Hernia-Exam!
Season 2 • Episode 17
Charlie eschews Alan's medical advice in favor of a visit to his pretty female doctor.
Tuesday, April 7
It Was Mame, Mom
Season 2 • Episode 18
Charlie and Alan pose as a gay couple in order to impress a gay ad executive.
Tuesday, April 7
A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise
Season 2 • Episode 19
Alan asks one of Charlie's beautiful ex-girlfriends on a date.
Tuesday, April 7
I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey
Season 2 • Episode 20
Charlie and Alan take their personal frustrations out on each other.
Tuesday, April 7
A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On
Season 2 • Episode 21
Evelyn reads in the obituaries that her second husband, Harry, has died.
Tuesday, April 7
That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother
Season 2 • Episode 22
After taking a loan from Evelyn, Alan is guilted into double-dating with her.
Wednesday, April 8
The Ol' Mexican Spinach
Season 12 • Episode 1
After a health scare on Halloween, Walden decides he needs to change his life.
Wednesday, April 8
Corey's Been Dead for an Hour
Season 4 • Episode 9
Charlie and Alan go on a double date, leaving Jake home alone for the first time.
Wednesday, April 8
Enjoy Those Garlic Balls
Season 2 • Episode 2
Alan is upset that Judith is dating Jake's pediatrician.
Wednesday, April 8
Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab
Season 2 • Episode 23
Alan is reluctant to leave Jake with Evelyn.
Wednesday, April 8
Does This Smell Funny to You?
Season 2 • Episode 24
Charlie unknowingly sleeps with an elderly man's (Orson Bean) hot trophy wife.
Wednesday, April 8
Weekend in Bangkok With Two Olympic Gymnasts
Season 3 • Episode 1
After Alan falls off the roof, Charlie volunteers to watch Jake for the weekend.
Wednesday, April 8
Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover
Season 3 • Episode 2
Alan must see the school principal over a picture Jake drew.
Wednesday, April 8
Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark
Season 3 • Episode 3
Charlie organizes an intervention to keep Alan from reuniting with Judith.
Wednesday, April 8
Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs
Season 3 • Episode 4
Berta moves into Charlie's house for a few days and plays one brother against the other.
Wednesday, April 8
We Called It Mr. Pinky
Season 3 • Episode 5
Charlie responds inappropriately to a woman's declaration of love.
Wednesday, April 8
Hi, Mr. Horned One
Season 3 • Episode 6
Charlie likes dating Isabella, until she threatens to put a curse on his manhood.
Wednesday, April 8
Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop
Season 3 • Episode 7
Rose's father (Martin Sheen) confronts Charlie about his intentions toward Rose.
Wednesday, April 8
That Voodoo That I Do Do
Season 3 • Episode 8
Charlie cons Jake into taking ballet lessons in order to get close to the teacher.
Thursday, April 9
Glamping in a Yurt
Season 12 • Episode 3
Alan and Walden must be perceived as a loving couple during a meeting with a social worker.
Thursday, April 9
Kissing Abraham Lincoln
Season 4 • Episode 10
Charlie must choose between his girlfriend and his housekeeper.
Thursday, April 9
A Bag Full of Jawea
Season 2 • Episode 3
Charlie tries to save Jake from school suspension by romancing his teacher.
Thursday, April 9
Madame and Her Special Friend
Season 3 • Episode 9
Alan is propositioned by one of Charlie's elderly neighbors; Charlie tries to stop Jake.
Thursday, April 9
Something Salted and Twisted
Season 3 • Episode 10
Alan organizes a family dinner to celebrate a newspaper article about him.
Thursday, April 9
Santa's Village of the Damned
Season 3 • Episode 11
Alan dates a controlling woman who takes over the house during the Christmas holidays.
Thursday, April 9
That Special Tug
Season 3 • Episode 12
Alan's emotional breakdown after dropping Jake off for a weekend away sends Charlie to a therapist.
Thursday, April 9
Humiliation Is a Visual Medium
Season 3 • Episode 13
Charlie must deal with the challenges of a committed relationship that is not based on sex.
Thursday, April 9
Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded
Season 3 • Episode 14
Charlie plans a romantic date with Mia in hopes of consummating their relationship.
Thursday, April 9
My Tongue Is Meat
Season 3 • Episode 15
Charlie sneaks cigars, beer and burgers behind Mia's back.
Thursday, April 9
Ergo, the Booty Call
Season 3 • Episode 16
Alan tries to avoid bringing his sexy 22-year-old girlfriend to Jake's birthday party.
Thursday, April 9
The Unfortunate Little Schnauser
Season 3 • Episode 17
Charlie boycotts an advertising awards banquet, having lost several years in a row to his nemesis.
Thursday, April 9
The Spit-Covered Cobbler
Season 3 • Episode 18
Alan gets into financial trouble because he keeps paying the expenses of his young girlfriend.
Friday, April 10
Oontz Oontz Oontz
Season 12 • Episode 5
Walden takes in a foster child named Louis, but they don't bond as he expected.
Friday, April 10
Walnuts and Demerol
Season 4 • Episode 11
Charlie finds himself throwing an unwanted, unplanned holiday party.
Friday, April 10
Go Get Mommy's Bra
Season 2 • Episode 4
Charlie's mother borrows the Mercedes to impress a Saudi prince.
Friday, April 10
The Soil Is Moist
Season 5 • Episode 13
Alan's date, who happens to be a friend of his ex, reveals a secret about Judith's sex life.
Friday, April 10
Winky-Dink Time
Season 5 • Episode 14
Charlie goes with Jake on a double date and sets up Alan with a prostitute.
Friday, April 10
Rough Night in Hump Junction
Season 5 • Episode 15
Alan fears that Charlie's womanizing is getting out of control.
Friday, April 10
Look at Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty
Season 5 • Episode 16
Alan plans Evelyn's wedding; Charlie pursues his future stepsister.
Friday, April 10
Fish in a Drawer
Season 5 • Episode 17
A CSI team investigates a mysterious death at Charlie's house.
Friday, April 10
If My Hole Could Talk
Season 5 • Episode 18
Charlie discovers he is attracted to an older woman who writes self-help books; Jake and Alan fight.
Friday, April 10
Waiting for the Right Snapper
Season 5 • Episode 19
Charlie tries to resist temptation when he meets the daughter of the woman he's dating.
Friday, April 10
Taterhead Is Our Love Child
Season 6 • Episode 1
Charlie finds that one of his former girlfriends has a son who looks a lot like him.
Friday, April 10
Pie Hole, Herb
Season 6 • Episode 2
Alan crosses a line when he tries to get back money that he lent Charlie.
Friday, April 10
Damn You, Eggs Benedict
Season 6 • Episode 3
Charlie attempts to cook, Alan tries to date two women at the same time, and Jake samples beer.
Friday, April 10
The Flavin' and the Mavin
Season 6 • Episode 4
Alan awaits disaster as Charlie romances Alan's sweet receptionist.
Friday, April 10
A Jock Strap in Hell
Season 6 • Episode 5
The guys run into Jake's former teacher who became a stripper after a fling with Charlie.
Friday, April 10
It's Always Nazi Week
Season 6 • Episode 6
When Judith kicks Herb to the curb, Alan comes knocking.
Friday, April 10
Best H.O. Money Can Buy
Season 6 • Episode 7
Alan tries to escape Judith's clutches as Charlie and Herb go on the prowl.
Friday, April 10
Pinocchio's Mouth
Season 6 • Episode 8
Charlie has trouble adjusting when his new girlfriend asks him to spend the night at her place.
Friday, April 10
The Mooch at the Boo
Season 6 • Episode 9
Charlie is left to cover when Jake disappears with the neighbor's daughter.
Friday, April 10
He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited
Season 6 • Episode 10
When Evelyn offers to pay for Jake's college education, Alan wonders if he ever needs to work again.
Friday, April 10
The Devil's Lube
Season 6 • Episode 11
When one of Charlie's old partners in crime dies, Charlie re-evaluates his own reckless lifestyle.
Friday, April 10
Thank God for Scoliosis
Season 6 • Episode 12
Charlie and Jake fight for the affections of a waitress.
Friday, April 10
I Think You Offended Don
Season 6 • Episode 13
Judith is pregnant with a baby girl, and Alan is convinced he is the father.
Friday, April 10
David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie
Season 6 • Episode 14
Melissa thinks Alan is not appreciated by his family.
Friday, April 10
I'd Like to Start With the Cat
Season 6 • Episode 15
In an attempt to prove he has changed, Charlie agrees to go with Chelsea to couples counseling.
Friday, April 10
Pilot
Season 1 • Episode 1
Charlie discovers that a man raising a 10-year-old boy attracts the attention of women.
Friday, April 10
Big Flappy Bastards
Season 1 • Episode 2
Charlie does not know how to discipline Jake for luring a flock of sea gulls into his room.
Saturday, April 11
Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
Season 1 • Episode 3
One drink too many emboldens the brothers to stand up to their controlling mother.
Saturday, April 11
If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap
Season 1 • Episode 4
Alan tries to take over the housework after his neurotic demands scare away Charlie's cleaning lady.
Saturday, April 11
The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up With a Hump
Season 1 • Episode 5
Charlie and Alan meet several women while attending one of Jake's soccer games.
Saturday, April 11
Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
Season 1 • Episode 6
After Evelyn's new beau dumps her, Charlie and Alan enlist Jake to cheer her up.
Saturday, April 11
Bad News From the Clinic
Season 2 • Episode 5
Charlie meets his match when he falls for a woman who is better at playing hard to get than he is.
Saturday, April 11
Pilot
Season 1 • Episode 1
Charlie discovers that a man raising a 10-year-old boy attracts the attention of women.
Monday, April 13
I'd Like to Start With the Cat
Season 6 • Episode 15
In an attempt to prove he has changed, Charlie agrees to go with Chelsea to couples counseling.
Monday, April 13
She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime
Season 6 • Episode 16
Charlie rushes to get a half-naked woman out of his bedroom before Chelsea arrives.
Monday, April 13
Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud New
Season 8 • Episode 1
Jake goes to live with Judith and Herb after learning that Alan has been dating Eldridge's mom.
Monday, April 13
A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer New
Season 8 • Episode 2
When Lindsey asks Alan to move in with her, Charlie will do anything to get him to agree to it.
Monday, April 13
A Pudding-Filled Cactus New
Season 8 • Episode 3
After moving in with Lyndsey, Alan continues to have a rendezvous with Melissa at Charlie's house.
Monday, April 13
Hookers, Hookers, Hookers New
Season 8 • Episode 4
Lyndsey and Eldridge move into Charlie's house after their home burns down.
Monday, April 13
The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel New
Season 8 • Episode 5
Alan pretends to be Charlie when he goes out on the town; Charlie sneaks off for cosmetic surgery.
Monday, April 13
Twanging Your Magic Clanger New
Season 8 • Episode 6
Charlie has difficulty dealing with dating a slightly older woman.
Monday, April 13
She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime
Season 6 • Episode 16
Charlie rushes to get a half-naked woman out of his bedroom before Chelsea arrives.
Monday, April 13
The Crazy Bitch Gazette New
Season 8 • Episode 7
Charlie's girlfriend gets fed up with his stalker, Rose.
Monday, April 13
The Ocu or the Pado?
Season 6 • Episode 17
When Charlie swears his love to Chelsea, her response is nothing like what he'd expected.
Monday, April 13
Springtime on a Stick New
Season 8 • Episode 8
Charlie and Alan try to set Evelyn up with the pharmacist, Russell.
Monday, April 13
My Son's Enormous Head
Season 6 • Episode 18
Charlie fights the overwhelming urge to flee when Chelsea gets sick.
Monday, April 13
A Good Time in Central Africa New
Season 8 • Episode 9
Charlie falls for the woman who replaces Berta on her days off.
Monday, April 13
The Two Finger Rule
Season 6 • Episode 19
Chelsea finds pictures of a naked woman on Charlie's phone.
Monday, April 13
Ow, Ow, Don't Stop New
Season 8 • Episode 10
Charlie goes on a spending spree for old fling Courtney when she is released from prison.
Monday, April 13
Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau
Season 6 • Episode 20
Evelyn finally meets Charlie and Chelsea.
Monday, April 13
Dead From the Waist Down New
Season 8 • Episode 11
Ashamed that he can't afford to buy a birthday present for Lyndsey, Alan gets creative.
Monday, April 13
Above Exalted Cyclops
Season 6 • Episode 21
Chelsea sets Alan up on a blind date with Rose.
Monday, April 13
Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead New
Season 8 • Episode 12
Depressed after his breakup from Courtney, Charlie goes to see his psychiatrist.
Monday, April 13
Sir Lancelot's Litter Box
Season 6 • Episode 22
Charlie reluctantly lets Chelsea move in.
Monday, April 13
Good Morning Mrs. Butterworth
Season 6 • Episode 23
When Chelsea and Alan become best friends, Charlie tries to take advantage of the situation.
Monday, April 13
Baseball Was Better With Steroids
Season 6 • Episode 24
Charlie begins to question his relationship with Chelsea.
Monday, April 13
818-jklpuzo
Season 7 • Episode 1
Charlie must decide between his fiancee, Chelsea, and his former girlfriend, Mia.
Monday, April 13
Whipped Unto the Third Generation
Season 7 • Episode 2
Charlie's house is taken over by women when Chelsea convinces him to let Alan's girlfriend move in.
Monday, April 13
Mmm, Fish. Yum
Season 7 • Episode 3
Jake uses an incriminating picture to blackmail Charlie.
Monday, April 13
Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator
Season 7 • Episode 4
Alan takes a job working for Evelyn; Charlie must mend Chelsea and Jake's rocky relationship.
Monday, April 13
For the Sake of the Child
Season 7 • Episode 5
After they embarrass him in public, Jake refuses to stay with Charlie and Alan.
Monday, April 13
Give Me Your Thumb
Season 7 • Episode 6
Alan suggests that Chelsea get breast-reduction surgery, and Charlie kicks him out.
Monday, April 13
Untainted by Filth
Season 7 • Episode 7
Charlie and Alan wake up together in bed with a strange woman.
Monday, April 13
Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.
Season 7 • Episode 8
Chelsea tries to help her beautiful college roommate get over a bad breakup.
Monday, April 13
Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair
Season 7 • Episode 9
Charlie discovers he has not been satisfying Chelsea; Alan attempts to cure his thinning hair.
Monday, April 13
That's Why They Call It Ball Room
Season 7 • Episode 10
Charlie discovers that Chelsea has not been completely honest about her finances.
Monday, April 13
Warning, It's Dirty
Season 7 • Episode 11
Charlie coaches Jake on the art of infidelity while his girlfriend is away for Christmas.
Monday, April 13
Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste
Season 7 • Episode 12
Jake writes love songs to woo his ex-girlfriend; Herb and Alan hide their secret friendship.
Monday, April 13
Yay, No Polyps!
Season 7 • Episode 13
Charlie undergoes a colonoscopy to avoid a trip to see Chelsea's bigoted parents.
Monday, April 13
Crude and Uncalled For
Season 7 • Episode 14
A bar fight lands Alan in jail; Charlie worries that Chelsea is interested someone else.
Monday, April 13
Aye, Aye, Captain
Season 7 • Episode 15
When Charlie's jealousy threatens his relationship with Chelsea, he turns to Alan for help.
Tuesday, April 14
Don't Worry, Speed Racer
Season 4 • Episode 13
Jake tells Charlie and Alan that he often overhears Judith and Herb making out.
Tuesday, April 14
The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance
Season 2 • Episode 6
Alan fears he has a dark side, until Charlie admits to a nasty trick.
Tuesday, April 14
Golly Moses, She's a Muffin
Season 3 • Episode 19
Kandi moves in with Alan, causing tension in the house, since Charlie is having a dry spell.
Tuesday, April 14
Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro
Season 3 • Episode 20
Alan tries to win Kandi back, and Charlie sleeps with her mom.
Tuesday, April 14
And the Plot Moistens
Season 3 • Episode 21
Alan finds that he has more in common with Jake's teacher than with Kandi.
Tuesday, April 14
Just Once With Aunt Sophie
Season 3 • Episode 22
Charlie and Alan help Jake prepare for his first boy-girl party.
Tuesday, April 14
Arguments for the Quickie
Season 3 • Episode 23
Charlie's former girlfriend (Emmanuelle Vaugier) returns with an unexpected request.
Tuesday, April 14
That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite
Season 3 • Episode 24
Charlie and Mia plan their wedding despite complications on both sides of the family.
Tuesday, April 14
Working for Caligula
Season 4 • Episode 1
Charlie returns to his bachelor lifestyle; Alan breaks down following his second divorce.
Tuesday, April 14
Who's Vod Kanockers?
Season 4 • Episode 2
Charlie tells Alan the truth about his breakup with Mia; a famous neighbor causes trouble.
Tuesday, April 14
The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress
Season 4 • Episode 3
Charlie is convinced he saw his late father while having a near-death experience.
Tuesday, April 14
A Pot-Smoking Monkey
Season 4 • Episode 4
After their split, Alan wants to gain custody of his and Kandi's dog.
Wednesday, April 15
Sex With an Animated Ed Asner
Season 12 • Episode 7
Walden and Alan befriend three moms, but things get complicated when Walden falls for one of them.
Wednesday, April 15
That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami
Season 4 • Episode 14
Charlie has second thoughts after setting Alan up with their new neighbor.
Wednesday, April 15
A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana
Season 2 • Episode 7
Charlie and Alan hire Berta's sister to cater a party.
Wednesday, April 15
A Live Woman of Proven Fertility
Season 4 • Episode 5
Herb and Jake's relationship threatens wedding plans with Judith, so Alan and Charlie take action.
Wednesday, April 15
Apologies for the Frivolity
Season 4 • Episode 6
Charlie does not realize that his latest girlfriend is a younger version of his mother.
Wednesday, April 15
Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head
Season 4 • Episode 7
Charlie helps Berta confront the man who impregnated her daughter; Alan satisfies a secret fetish.
Wednesday, April 15
Release the Dogs
Season 4 • Episode 8
Jake pleads with Charlie not to date the mother of a girl he likes.
Wednesday, April 15
Corey's Been Dead for an Hour
Season 4 • Episode 9
Charlie and Alan go on a double date, leaving Jake home alone for the first time.
Wednesday, April 15
Kissing Abraham Lincoln
Season 4 • Episode 10
Charlie must choose between his girlfriend and his housekeeper.
Wednesday, April 15
Walnuts and Demerol
Season 4 • Episode 11
Charlie finds himself throwing an unwanted, unplanned holiday party.
Wednesday, April 15
Castrating Sheep in Montana
Season 4 • Episode 12
Berta learns that Alan has been dating her daughter.
Wednesday, April 15
Don't Worry, Speed Racer
Season 4 • Episode 13
Jake tells Charlie and Alan that he often overhears Judith and Herb making out.
Wednesday, April 15
That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami
Season 4 • Episode 14
Charlie has second thoughts after setting Alan up with their new neighbor.
Thursday, April 16
Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, Lyndsey
Season 12 • Episode 9
Walden discovers how difficult it is to be with women with Louis in the house.
Thursday, April 16
My Damn Stalker
Season 4 • Episode 15
Charlie must face his feelings when Rose announces she is moving to London.
Thursday, April 16
Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers
Season 2 • Episode 8
Alan meets a woman at the grocery store who fulfills his every fantasy.
Thursday, April 16
My Damn Stalker
Season 4 • Episode 15
Charlie must face his feelings when Rose announces she is moving to London.
Thursday, April 16
Young People Have Phlegm Too
Season 4 • Episode 16
A more mature woman helps rebuild Charlie's ego after he becomes insecure about his age.
Thursday, April 16
I Merely Slept With a Commie
Season 4 • Episode 17
Evelyn makes Charlie and Alan regret saying that she will not have any mourners at her funeral.
Thursday, April 16
It Never Rains in Hooterville
Season 4 • Episode 18
Alan tries to bond with Jake; Kandi's new career.
Thursday, April 16
Smooth as a Ken Doll
Season 4 • Episode 19
Charlie gets close to Herb's witty sister, as Judith and Herb's wedding nears.
Thursday, April 16
Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot
Season 4 • Episode 20
Alan prepares Jake for Judith's wedding; Charlie continues his fling with Herb's sister.
Thursday, April 16
Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous
Season 4 • Episode 21
Alan's friendship with a gay single dad prompts him to re-examine his sexual identity.
Thursday, April 16
Mr. McGlue's Feedbag
Season 4 • Episode 22
Jake has a windfall at the track with Charlie; Alan visits the Department of Motor Vehicles.
Thursday, April 16
Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-Lookin'
Season 4 • Episode 23
Charlie loses a woman to the young, handsome handyman (Enrique Iglesias) working at his house.
Thursday, April 16
Prostitutes and Gelato
Season 4 • Episode 24
Evelyn's new boyfriend invites Charlie and Alan to Las Vegas.
Friday, April 17
For Whom the Booty Calls
Season 12 • Episode 11
When Walden joins a support group for adoptive fathers, he finds it to be a nice getaway from Alan.
Friday, April 17
Young People Have Phlegm Too
Season 4 • Episode 16
A more mature woman helps rebuild Charlie's ego after he becomes insecure about his age.
Friday, April 17
Yes, Monsignor
Season 2 • Episode 9
Charlie bumps into an old flame he once thought would be Mrs. Right.
Friday, April 17
I Found Your Mustache
Season 7 • Episode 17
Charlie and Chelsea get together for one night, despite having ended their relationship.
Friday, April 17
Ixnay on the Oggie Day
Season 7 • Episode 18
Charlie has a return engagement with Gail; Alan has a surprising effect on a female patient.
Friday, April 17
Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave
Season 7 • Episode 19
Jake's new friend, Eldridge, is a bad influence; Alan likes Eldridge's attractive mother.
Friday, April 17
I Called Him Magoo
Season 7 • Episode 20
Alan tries for an intimate night at a hotel with his new girlfriend.
Friday, April 17
Gumby With a Pokey
Season 7 • Episode 21
Alan and Jake go on a road trip; Charlie finds himself haunted by the ghosts of his ex-girlfriends.
Friday, April 17
This Is Not Gonna End Well
Season 7 • Episode 22
Charlie's license is suspended; Alan plans to go to Chelsea's birthday party.
Friday, April 17
Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud
Season 8 • Episode 1
Jake goes to live with Judith and Herb after learning that Alan has been dating Eldridge's mom.
Friday, April 17
A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer
Season 8 • Episode 2
When Lindsey asks Alan to move in with her, Charlie will do anything to get him to agree to it.
Friday, April 17
A Pudding-Filled Cactus
Season 8 • Episode 3
After moving in with Lyndsey, Alan continues to have a rendezvous with Melissa at Charlie's house.
Friday, April 17
Hookers, Hookers, Hookers
Season 8 • Episode 4
Lyndsey and Eldridge move into Charlie's house after their home burns down.
Friday, April 17
The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel
Season 8 • Episode 5
Alan pretends to be Charlie when he goes out on the town; Charlie sneaks off for cosmetic surgery.
Friday, April 17
Twanging Your Magic Clanger
Season 8 • Episode 6
Charlie has difficulty dealing with dating a slightly older woman.
Friday, April 17
The Crazy Bitch Gazette
Season 8 • Episode 7
Charlie's girlfriend gets fed up with his stalker, Rose.
Friday, April 17
Springtime on a Stick
Season 8 • Episode 8
Charlie and Alan try to set Evelyn up with the pharmacist, Russell.
Friday, April 17
A Good Time in Central Africa
Season 8 • Episode 9
Charlie falls for the woman who replaces Berta on her days off.
Friday, April 17
Ow, Ow, Don't Stop
Season 8 • Episode 10
Charlie goes on a spending spree for old fling Courtney when she is released from prison.
Friday, April 17
Dead From the Waist Down
Season 8 • Episode 11
Ashamed that he can't afford to buy a birthday present for Lyndsey, Alan gets creative.
Friday, April 17
Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead
Season 8 • Episode 12
Depressed after his breakup from Courtney, Charlie goes to see his psychiatrist.
Friday, April 17
Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup
Season 8 • Episode 13
Alan feels paranoid when Lyndsey becomes friendly with Charlie.
Friday, April 17
Looking' for Japanese Subs
Season 8 • Episode 14
Charlie stalks Rose; Eldridge and Jake begin videotaping dangerous stunts.
Friday, April 17
Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak
Season 8 • Episode 15
Charlie and Rose continue their affair; Alan's business becomes a Ponzi scheme.
Friday, April 17
That Darn Priest
Season 8 • Episode 16
Rose discovers Alan's Ponzi scheme; Charlie tries to get time alone with Rose.
Friday, April 17
If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake
Season 1 • Episode 7
For a school assignment, Jake draws the tattooed buttocks of Charlie's female friend.
Friday, April 17
Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful
Season 1 • Episode 8
Charlie uses his ability to write jingles to produce Jake's school musical.
Saturday, April 18
Phase One, Complete
Season 1 • Episode 9
Charlie suspects a woman is using Evelyn and Jake to get to him.
Saturday, April 18
Merry Thanksgiving
Season 1 • Episode 10
In an attempt to prove that he is a family man, Charlie invites Lisa over for Thanksgiving dinner.
Saturday, April 18
Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor
Season 1 • Episode 11
Alan reluctantly agrees to a makeover after running into his ex-wife and her new beau.
Saturday, April 18
Camel Filters and Pheremones
Season 1 • Episode 12
The housekeeper's sexy teenage granddaughter attracts the guys' attention.
Saturday, April 18
The Salmon Under My Sweater
Season 2 • Episode 10
Charlie is tasked with writing a theme song to one of Jake's favorite comics.
Saturday, April 18
Big Flappy Bastards
Season 1 • Episode 2
Charlie does not know how to discipline Jake for luring a flock of sea gulls into his room.
Sunday, April 19
Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
Season 1 • Episode 3
One drink too many emboldens the brothers to stand up to their controlling mother.
Monday, April 20
The Ocu or the Pado?
Season 6 • Episode 17
When Charlie swears his love to Chelsea, her response is nothing like what he'd expected.
Monday, April 20
My Son's Enormous Head
Season 6 • Episode 18
Charlie fights the overwhelming urge to flee when Chelsea gets sick.
Monday, April 20
Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup New
Season 8 • Episode 13
Alan feels paranoid when Lyndsey becomes friendly with Charlie.
Monday, April 20
Looking' for Japanese Subs New
Season 8 • Episode 14
Charlie stalks Rose; Eldridge and Jake begin videotaping dangerous stunts.
Monday, April 20
Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak New
Season 8 • Episode 15
Charlie and Rose continue their affair; Alan's business becomes a Ponzi scheme.
Monday, April 20
That Darn Priest New
Season 8 • Episode 16
Rose discovers Alan's Ponzi scheme; Charlie tries to get time alone with Rose.
Monday, April 20
Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt New
Season 9 • Episode 1
Alan and Jake meet Walden Schmidt, a broken-hearted billionaire.
Monday, April 20
People Who Love Peepholes New
Season 9 • Episode 2
Walden's ex-wife, Bridget (Judy Greer), turns up.
Monday, April 20
Big Girls Don't Throw Food New
Season 9 • Episode 3
Alan helps Walden get ready for a date with Bridget; Jake decides to drop out of school.
Monday, April 20
Nine Magic Fingers New
Season 9 • Episode 4
Walden searches for love; Alan encounters a chance to reconcile with Lyndsey.
Monday, April 20
Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
Season 1 • Episode 3
One drink too many emboldens the brothers to stand up to their controlling mother.
Monday, April 20
If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap
Season 1 • Episode 4
Alan tries to take over the housework after his neurotic demands scare away Charlie's cleaning lady.
Monday, April 20
The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up With a Hump
Season 1 • Episode 5
Charlie and Alan meet several women while attending one of Jake's soccer games.
Monday, April 20
Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
Season 1 • Episode 6
After Evelyn's new beau dumps her, Charlie and Alan enlist Jake to cheer her up.
Monday, April 20
If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake
Season 1 • Episode 7
For a school assignment, Jake draws the tattooed buttocks of Charlie's female friend.
Monday, April 20
Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful
Season 1 • Episode 8
Charlie uses his ability to write jingles to produce Jake's school musical.
Monday, April 20
Phase One, Complete
Season 1 • Episode 9
Charlie suspects a woman is using Evelyn and Jake to get to him.
Monday, April 20
Merry Thanksgiving
Season 1 • Episode 10
In an attempt to prove that he is a family man, Charlie invites Lisa over for Thanksgiving dinner.
Monday, April 20
Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor
Season 1 • Episode 11
Alan reluctantly agrees to a makeover after running into his ex-wife and her new beau.
Monday, April 20
Camel Filters and Pheremones
Season 1 • Episode 12
The housekeeper's sexy teenage granddaughter attracts the guys' attention.
Monday, April 20
Sarah Like Puny Alan
Season 1 • Episode 13
Charlie drags his ailing brother to a men's steam room.
Monday, April 20
I Can't Afford Hyenas
Season 1 • Episode 14
Charlie's accountant (Richard Lewis) tries to explain his financial woes.
Monday, April 20
Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick
Season 1 • Episode 15
Against Alan's judgment, Charlie falls for a seemingly crazy woman named Frankie (Jenna Elfman).
Monday, April 20
That Was Saliva, Alan
Season 1 • Episode 16
Frankie (Jenna Elfman) divulges her big secret, then falls for one of the brothers.
Monday, April 20
Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats
Season 1 • Episode 17
Alan offends Charlie by choosing harebrained cousins as Jake's guardians in the event of his death.
Monday, April 20
An Old Flame With a New Wick
Season 1 • Episode 18
Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man (Chris O'Donnell).
Monday, April 20
I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You
Season 1 • Episode 19
Judith's sister (Teri Hatcher) hits on Alan at Jake's birthday party.
Monday, April 20
Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark
Season 1 • Episode 20
After trying a father/son talk, Alan and Judith decide to take a moody Jake to a therapist.
Monday, April 20
No Sniffing, No Wowing
Season 1 • Episode 21
Charlie jeopardizes Alan's settlement by sleeping with his attorney.
Monday, April 20
My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet
Season 1 • Episode 22
Charlie attempts to cure Alan of his recent bout of sleepwalking.
Monday, April 20
Just Like Buffalo
Season 1 • Episode 23
Charlie tries to get Judith to let Jake continue to spend weekends at his place.
Monday, April 20
Can You Feel My Finger?
Season 1 • Episode 24
A pregnancy scare has Charlie heading to the doctor for a vasectomy.
Tuesday, April 21
It Never Rains in Hooterville
Season 4 • Episode 18
Alan tries to bond with Jake; Kandi's new career.
Tuesday, April 21
Last Chance to See Those Tattoos
Season 2 • Episode 11
Jake discovers an angry Website devoted to Charlie's womanizing ways.
Tuesday, April 21
Large Birds, Spiders and Mom
Season 5 • Episode 1
Charlie and Alan try to prepare Jake for his first day of junior high.
Tuesday, April 21
Media Room Slash Dungeon
Season 5 • Episode 2
Charlie reacts oddly after an evening with his mother.
Tuesday, April 21
Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo
Season 5 • Episode 3
Charlie lets Alan set him up with a woman his own age.
Tuesday, April 21
City of Great Racks
Season 5 • Episode 4
Although Charlie is getting closer to Linda, he begins to see Rose's face wherever he looks.
Tuesday, April 21
Putting Swim Fins on a Cat
Season 5 • Episode 5
Charlie has to entertain his girlfriend's 4-year-old son; Alan becomes a human guinea pig.
Tuesday, April 21
Help Daddy Find His Toenail
Season 5 • Episode 6
Charlie's girlfriend is embarrassed to be seen with him; Jake sneaks out to go to a concert.
Tuesday, April 21
Our Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room
Season 5 • Episode 7
Charlie and Alan butt heads over Alan's place in the house.
Tuesday, April 21
Is There a Mrs. Waffles?
Season 5 • Episode 8
Charlie finds success as a children's singing star, which makes Alan miserable.
Tuesday, April 21
Tight's Good
Season 5 • Episode 9
Charlie tries to resist an attraction to his soon-to-be stepsister.
Tuesday, April 21
Kinda Like Necrophilia
Season 5 • Episode 10
Alan seeks revenge when he discovers that Charlie stole his high-school girlfriend.
Wednesday, April 22
Boompa Loved His Hookers
Season 12 • Episode 13
Walden fears that breaking up with Ms. McMartin will become an issue; Lyndsey asks Alan to move in.
Wednesday, April 22
Smooth as a Ken Doll
Season 4 • Episode 19
Charlie gets close to Herb's witty sister, as Judith and Herb's wedding nears.
Wednesday, April 22
A Lungful of Alan
Season 2 • Episode 12
The brothers compete for the attentions of Alan's high-school friend.
Wednesday, April 22
Meander to Your Dander
Season 5 • Episode 11
Charlie offers Alan pointers on how to break up with a woman.
Wednesday, April 22
A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh
Season 5 • Episode 12
Rose comes back from England and takes care of sick Charlie in a very strange way.
Wednesday, April 22
The Soil Is Moist
Season 5 • Episode 13
Alan's date, who happens to be a friend of his ex, reveals a secret about Judith's sex life.
Wednesday, April 22
Winky-Dink Time
Season 5 • Episode 14
Charlie goes with Jake on a double date and sets up Alan with a prostitute.
Wednesday, April 22
Rough Night in Hump Junction
Season 5 • Episode 15
Alan fears that Charlie's womanizing is getting out of control.
Wednesday, April 22
Look at Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty
Season 5 • Episode 16
Alan plans Evelyn's wedding; Charlie pursues his future stepsister.
Wednesday, April 22
Fish in a Drawer
Season 5 • Episode 17
A CSI team investigates a mysterious death at Charlie's house.
Wednesday, April 22
If My Hole Could Talk
Season 5 • Episode 18
Charlie discovers he is attracted to an older woman who writes self-help books; Jake and Alan fight.
Wednesday, April 22
Waiting for the Right Snapper
Season 5 • Episode 19
Charlie tries to resist temptation when he meets the daughter of the woman he's dating.
Thursday, April 23
Of Course He's Dead -- Part One
Season 12 • Episode 15
Details regarding Charlie Harper are revealed.
Thursday, April 23
Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot
Season 4 • Episode 20
Alan prepares Jake for Judith's wedding; Charlie continues his fling with Herb's sister.
Thursday, April 23
Of Course He's Dead -- Part Two
Season 12 • Episode 16
Details regarding Charlie Harper are revealed.
Thursday, April 23
Zejdz Zmoich Wlosow (Get Off My Hair)
Season 2 • Episode 13
When Judith's pipes burst after an earthquake, Alan invites her to stay with him at Charlie's house.
Thursday, April 23
That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite
Season 3 • Episode 24
Charlie and Mia plan their wedding despite complications on both sides of the family.
Thursday, April 23
Working for Caligula
Season 4 • Episode 1
Charlie returns to his bachelor lifestyle; Alan breaks down following his second divorce.
Thursday, April 23
Who's Vod Kanockers?
Season 4 • Episode 2
Charlie tells Alan the truth about his breakup with Mia; a famous neighbor causes trouble.
Thursday, April 23
The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress
Season 4 • Episode 3
Charlie is convinced he saw his late father while having a near-death experience.
Thursday, April 23
A Pot-Smoking Monkey
Season 4 • Episode 4
After their split, Alan wants to gain custody of his and Kandi's dog.
Thursday, April 23
Pie Hole, Herb
Season 6 • Episode 2
Alan crosses a line when he tries to get back money that he lent Charlie.
Thursday, April 23
Damn You, Eggs Benedict
Season 6 • Episode 3
Charlie attempts to cook, Alan tries to date two women at the same time, and Jake samples beer.
Thursday, April 23
The Flavin' and the Mavin
Season 6 • Episode 4
Alan awaits disaster as Charlie romances Alan's sweet receptionist.
Thursday, April 23
A Jock Strap in Hell
Season 6 • Episode 5
The guys run into Jake's former teacher who became a stripper after a fling with Charlie.
Thursday, April 23
It's Always Nazi Week
Season 6 • Episode 6
When Judith kicks Herb to the curb, Alan comes knocking.
Thursday, April 23
Best H.O. Money Can Buy
Season 6 • Episode 7
Alan tries to escape Judith's clutches as Charlie and Herb go on the prowl.
Thursday, April 23
Pinocchio's Mouth
Season 6 • Episode 8
Charlie has trouble adjusting when his new girlfriend asks him to spend the night at her place.
Thursday, April 23
The Mooch at the Boo
Season 6 • Episode 9
Charlie is left to cover when Jake disappears with the neighbor's daughter.
Thursday, April 23
He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited
Season 6 • Episode 10
When Evelyn offers to pay for Jake's college education, Alan wonders if he ever needs to work again.
Friday, April 24
Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt
Season 9 • Episode 1
Alan and Jake meet Walden Schmidt, a broken-hearted billionaire.
Friday, April 24
Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous
Season 4 • Episode 21
Alan's friendship with a gay single dad prompts him to re-examine his sexual identity.
Friday, April 24
Those Big Pink Things With Coconuts
Season 2 • Episode 14
Evelyn takes drastic measures to get back into her sons' lives after Alan cuts her off.
Friday, April 24
Back Off Mary Poppins
Season 2 • Episode 1
Alan begs Charlie to let him join his exclusive men's group.
Friday, April 24
Enjoy Those Garlic Balls
Season 2 • Episode 2
Alan is upset that Judith is dating Jake's pediatrician.
Friday, April 24
A Bag Full of Jawea
Season 2 • Episode 3
Charlie tries to save Jake from school suspension by romancing his teacher.
Friday, April 24
Go Get Mommy's Bra
Season 2 • Episode 4
Charlie's mother borrows the Mercedes to impress a Saudi prince.
Friday, April 24
Bad News From the Clinic
Season 2 • Episode 5
Charlie meets his match when he falls for a woman who is better at playing hard to get than he is.
Friday, April 24
The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance
Season 2 • Episode 6
Alan fears he has a dark side, until Charlie admits to a nasty trick.
Friday, April 24
A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana
Season 2 • Episode 7
Charlie and Alan hire Berta's sister to cater a party.
Friday, April 24
Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers
Season 2 • Episode 8
Alan meets a woman at the grocery store who fulfills his every fantasy.
Friday, April 24
Yes, Monsignor
Season 2 • Episode 9
Charlie bumps into an old flame he once thought would be Mrs. Right.
Friday, April 24
The Salmon Under My Sweater
Season 2 • Episode 10
Charlie is tasked with writing a theme song to one of Jake's favorite comics.
Friday, April 24
Last Chance to See Those Tattoos
Season 2 • Episode 11
Jake discovers an angry Website devoted to Charlie's womanizing ways.
Friday, April 24
A Lungful of Alan
Season 2 • Episode 12
The brothers compete for the attentions of Alan's high-school friend.
Friday, April 24
Zejdz Zmoich Wlosow (Get Off My Hair)
Season 2 • Episode 13
When Judith's pipes burst after an earthquake, Alan invites her to stay with him at Charlie's house.
Friday, April 24
Those Big Pink Things With Coconuts
Season 2 • Episode 14
Evelyn takes drastic measures to get back into her sons' lives after Alan cuts her off.
Friday, April 24
Smell the Umbrella Stand
Season 2 • Episode 15
Charlie tries to distract Alan from an upcoming medical procedure by planning a trip to Las Vegas.
Friday, April 24
Sarah Like Puny Alan
Season 1 • Episode 13
Charlie drags his ailing brother to a men's steam room.
Friday, April 24
I Can't Afford Hyenas
Season 1 • Episode 14
Charlie's accountant (Richard Lewis) tries to explain his financial woes.
Saturday, April 25
Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick
Season 1 • Episode 15
Against Alan's judgment, Charlie falls for a seemingly crazy woman named Frankie (Jenna Elfman).
Saturday, April 25
That Was Saliva, Alan
Season 1 • Episode 16
Frankie (Jenna Elfman) divulges her big secret, then falls for one of the brothers.
Saturday, April 25
Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats
Season 1 • Episode 17
Alan offends Charlie by choosing harebrained cousins as Jake's guardians in the event of his death.
Saturday, April 25
An Old Flame With a New Wick
Season 1 • Episode 18
Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man (Chris O'Donnell).
Saturday, April 25
Smell the Umbrella Stand
Season 2 • Episode 15
Charlie tries to distract Alan from an upcoming medical procedure by planning a trip to Las Vegas.
Saturday, April 25
If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap
Season 1 • Episode 4
Alan tries to take over the housework after his neurotic demands scare away Charlie's cleaning lady.
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