Two and a Half Men
TV14
Sitcom
The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.
Cast & Crew
Jon Cryer Alan Harper
Charlie Sheen Charlie Harper
Ashton Kutcher Walden Schmidt
Conchata Ferrell Berta
Angus T. Jones Jake Harper
Holland Taylor Evelyn Harper
Marin Hinkle Judith
Melanie Lynskey Rose
Chuck Lorre Executive Producer
Don Reo Executive Producer
Jim Patterson Executive Producer
Chuck Lorre Creator
Lee Aronsohn Creator
⨁Full Cast & Crew
Upcoming TV Airings
The airings below are based on a generic national schedule. Times and dates can vary by TV provider.
Saturday, January 31
Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers
Season 2 • Episode 8
Alan meets a woman at the grocery store who fulfills his every fantasy.
Saturday, January 31
Tinkle Like a Princess
Season 7 • Episode 16
Charlie returns from Las Vegas with the woman he married there, who is not Chelsea.
Monday, February 2
The Spit-Covered Cobbler
Season 3 • Episode 18
Alan gets into financial trouble because he keeps paying the expenses of his young girlfriend.
Monday, February 2
And the Plot Moistens
Season 3 • Episode 21
Alan finds that he has more in common with Jake's teacher than with Kandi.
Monday, February 2
Pilot New
Season 1 • Episode 1
Charlie discovers that a man raising a 10-year-old boy attracts the attention of women.
Monday, February 2
Big Flappy Bastards New
Season 1 • Episode 2
Charlie does not know how to discipline Jake for luring a flock of sea gulls into his room.
Monday, February 2
Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell New
Season 1 • Episode 3
One drink too many emboldens the brothers to stand up to their controlling mother.
Monday, February 2
If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap New
Season 1 • Episode 4
Alan tries to take over the housework after his neurotic demands scare away Charlie's cleaning lady.
Monday, February 2
The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up With a Hump New
Season 1 • Episode 5
Charlie and Alan meet several women while attending one of Jake's soccer games.
Monday, February 2
Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys? New
Season 1 • Episode 6
After Evelyn's new beau dumps her, Charlie and Alan enlist Jake to cheer her up.
Monday, February 2
If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake New
Season 1 • Episode 7
For a school assignment, Jake draws the tattooed buttocks of Charlie's female friend.
Monday, February 2
Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful New
Season 1 • Episode 8
Charlie uses his ability to write jingles to produce Jake's school musical.
Tuesday, February 3
Yes, Monsignor
Season 2 • Episode 9
Charlie bumps into an old flame he once thought would be Mrs. Right.
Tuesday, February 3
I Found Your Mustache
Season 7 • Episode 17
Charlie and Chelsea get together for one night, despite having ended their relationship.
Tuesday, February 3
The Flavin' and the Mavin
Season 6 • Episode 4
Alan awaits disaster as Charlie romances Alan's sweet receptionist.
Tuesday, February 3
A Jock Strap in Hell
Season 6 • Episode 5
The guys run into Jake's former teacher who became a stripper after a fling with Charlie.
Tuesday, February 3
It's Always Nazi Week
Season 6 • Episode 6
When Judith kicks Herb to the curb, Alan comes knocking.
Tuesday, February 3
Best H.O. Money Can Buy
Season 6 • Episode 7
Alan tries to escape Judith's clutches as Charlie and Herb go on the prowl.
Tuesday, February 3
Pinocchio's Mouth
Season 6 • Episode 8
Charlie has trouble adjusting when his new girlfriend asks him to spend the night at her place.
Tuesday, February 3
The Mooch at the Boo
Season 6 • Episode 9
Charlie is left to cover when Jake disappears with the neighbor's daughter.
Tuesday, February 3
He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited
Season 6 • Episode 10
When Evelyn offers to pay for Jake's college education, Alan wonders if he ever needs to work again.
Tuesday, February 3
The Devil's Lube
Season 6 • Episode 11
When one of Charlie's old partners in crime dies, Charlie re-evaluates his own reckless lifestyle.
Tuesday, February 3
Thank God for Scoliosis
Season 6 • Episode 12
Charlie and Jake fight for the affections of a waitress.
Tuesday, February 3
I Think You Offended Don
Season 6 • Episode 13
Judith is pregnant with a baby girl, and Alan is convinced he is the father.
Wednesday, February 4
Not in My Mouth!
Season 9 • Episode 17
A near-death experience has an adverse effect on Zoey and Walden's relationship.
Wednesday, February 4
The Salmon Under My Sweater
Season 2 • Episode 10
Charlie is tasked with writing a theme song to one of Jake's favorite comics.
Wednesday, February 4
Ixnay on the Oggie Day
Season 7 • Episode 18
Charlie has a return engagement with Gail; Alan has a surprising effect on a female patient.
Wednesday, February 4
David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie
Season 6 • Episode 14
Melissa thinks Alan is not appreciated by his family.
Wednesday, February 4
I'd Like to Start With the Cat
Season 6 • Episode 15
In an attempt to prove he has changed, Charlie agrees to go with Chelsea to couples counseling.
Wednesday, February 4
She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime
Season 6 • Episode 16
Charlie rushes to get a half-naked woman out of his bedroom before Chelsea arrives.
Wednesday, February 4
The Ocu or the Pado?
Season 6 • Episode 17
When Charlie swears his love to Chelsea, her response is nothing like what he'd expected.
Wednesday, February 4
My Son's Enormous Head
Season 6 • Episode 18
Charlie fights the overwhelming urge to flee when Chelsea gets sick.
Wednesday, February 4
The Two Finger Rule
Season 6 • Episode 19
Chelsea finds pictures of a naked woman on Charlie's phone.
Wednesday, February 4
Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau
Season 6 • Episode 20
Evelyn finally meets Charlie and Chelsea.
Wednesday, February 4
Above Exalted Cyclops
Season 6 • Episode 21
Chelsea sets Alan up on a blind date with Rose.
Wednesday, February 4
Sir Lancelot's Litter Box
Season 6 • Episode 22
Charlie reluctantly lets Chelsea move in.
Wednesday, February 4
Good Morning Mrs. Butterworth
Season 6 • Episode 23
When Chelsea and Alan become best friends, Charlie tries to take advantage of the situation.
Thursday, February 5
Palmdale, Ech
Season 9 • Episode 19
Alan and Lyndsey introduce their mothers; Jake and Eldridge get a ride from Walden to a party.
Thursday, February 5
Last Chance to See Those Tattoos
Season 2 • Episode 11
Jake discovers an angry Web site devoted to Charlie's womanizing ways.
Thursday, February 5
Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave
Season 7 • Episode 19
Jake's new friend, Eldridge, is a bad influence; Alan likes Eldridge's attractive mother.
Thursday, February 5
Baseball Was Better With Steroids
Season 6 • Episode 24
Charlie begins to question his relationship with Chelsea.
Thursday, February 5
818-jklpuzo
Season 7 • Episode 1
Charlie must decide between his fiancee, Chelsea, and his former girlfriend, Mia.
Thursday, February 5
Whipped Unto the Third Generation
Season 7 • Episode 2
Charlie's house is taken over by women when Chelsea convinces him to let Alan's girlfriend move in.
Thursday, February 5
Mmm, Fish. Yum
Season 7 • Episode 3
Jake uses an incriminating picture to blackmail Charlie.
Thursday, February 5
Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator
Season 7 • Episode 4
Alan takes a job working for Evelyn; Charlie must mend Chelsea and Jake's rocky relationship.
Thursday, February 5
For the Sake of the Child
Season 7 • Episode 5
After they embarrass him in public, Jake refuses to stay with Charlie and Alan.
Thursday, February 5
Give Me Your Thumb
Season 7 • Episode 6
Alan suggests that Chelsea get breast-reduction surgery, and Charlie kicks him out.
Thursday, February 5
Untainted by Filth
Season 7 • Episode 7
Charlie and Alan wake up together in bed with a strange woman.
Thursday, February 5
Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.
Season 7 • Episode 8
Chelsea tries to help her beautiful college roommate get over a bad breakup.
Thursday, February 5
Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair
Season 7 • Episode 9
Charlie discovers he has not been satisfying Chelsea; Alan attempts to cure his thinning hair.
Friday, February 6
Mr. Hose Says Yes
Season 9 • Episode 21
Zoey and her daughter move in with Walden; Alan gets more than he bargained for with Lyndsey.
Friday, February 6
A Lungful of Alan
Season 2 • Episode 12
The brothers compete for the attentions of Alan's high-school friend.
Friday, February 6
I Called Him Magoo
Season 7 • Episode 20
Alan tries for an intimate night at a hotel with his new girlfriend.
Saturday, February 7
Zejdz Zmoich Wlosow (Get Off My Hair)
Season 2 • Episode 13
When Judith's pipes burst after an earthquake, Alan invites her to stay with him at Charlie's house.
Saturday, February 7
Gumby With a Pokey
Season 7 • Episode 21
Alan and Jake go on a road trip; Charlie finds himself haunted by the ghosts of his ex-girlfriends.
Monday, February 9
Arguments for the Quickie
Season 3 • Episode 23
Charlie's former girlfriend (Emmanuelle Vaugier) returns with an unexpected request.
Monday, February 9
That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite
Season 3 • Episode 24
Charlie and Mia plan their wedding despite complications on both sides of the family.
Monday, February 9
Phase One, Complete New
Season 1 • Episode 9
Charlie suspects a woman is using Evelyn and Jake to get to him.
Monday, February 9
Merry Thanksgiving New
Season 1 • Episode 10
In an attempt to prove that he is a family man, Charlie invites Lisa over for Thanksgiving dinner.
Monday, February 9
Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor New
Season 1 • Episode 11
Alan reluctantly agrees to a makeover after running into his ex-wife and her new beau.
Monday, February 9
Camel Filters and Pheremones New
Season 1 • Episode 12
The housekeeper's sexy teenage granddaughter attracts the guys' attention.
Monday, February 9
Sarah Like Puny Alan New
Season 1 • Episode 13
Charlie drags his ailing brother to a men's steam room.
Monday, February 9
I Can't Afford Hyenas New
Season 1 • Episode 14
Charlie's accountant (Richard Lewis) tries to explain his financial woes.
Monday, February 9
Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick New
Season 1 • Episode 15
Against Alan's judgment, Charlie falls for a seemingly crazy woman named Frankie (Jenna Elfman).
Monday, February 9
That Was Saliva, Alan New
Season 1 • Episode 16
Frankie (Jenna Elfman) divulges her big secret, then falls for one of the brothers.
Monday, February 9
Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats New
Season 1 • Episode 17
Alan offends Charlie by choosing harebrained cousins as Jake's guardians in the event of his death.
Tuesday, February 10
Those Big Pink Things With Coconuts
Season 2 • Episode 14
Evelyn takes drastic measures to get back into her sons' lives after Alan cuts her off.
Tuesday, February 10
This Is Not Gonna End Well
Season 7 • Episode 22
Charlie's license is suspended; Alan plans to go to Chelsea's birthday party.
Tuesday, February 10
That's Why They Call It Ball Room
Season 7 • Episode 10
Charlie discovers that Chelsea has not been completely honest about her finances.
Tuesday, February 10
Warning, It's Dirty
Season 7 • Episode 11
Charlie coaches Jake on the art of infidelity while his girlfriend is away for Christmas.
Tuesday, February 10
Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste
Season 7 • Episode 12
Jake writes love songs to woo his ex-girlfriend; Herb and Alan hide their secret friendship.
Tuesday, February 10
Yay, No Polyps!
Season 7 • Episode 13
Charlie undergoes a colonoscopy to avoid a trip to see Chelsea's bigoted parents.
Tuesday, February 10
Crude and Uncalled For
Season 7 • Episode 14
A bar fight lands Alan in jail; Charlie worries that Chelsea is interested someone else.
Tuesday, February 10
Aye, Aye, Captain
Season 7 • Episode 15
When Charlie's jealousy threatens his relationship with Chelsea, he turns to Alan for help.
Tuesday, February 10
Tinkle Like a Princess
Season 7 • Episode 16
Charlie returns from Las Vegas with the woman he married there, who is not Chelsea.
Tuesday, February 10
I Found Your Mustache
Season 7 • Episode 17
Charlie and Chelsea get together for one night, despite having ended their relationship.
Tuesday, February 10
Ixnay on the Oggie Day
Season 7 • Episode 18
Charlie has a return engagement with Gail; Alan has a surprising effect on a female patient.
Tuesday, February 10
Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave
Season 7 • Episode 19
Jake's new friend, Eldridge, is a bad influence; Alan likes Eldridge's attractive mother.
Wednesday, February 11
The Straw in My Donut Hole
Season 9 • Episode 23
Zoey isn't convinced Alan deserves all the love he receives upon his return from the hospital.
Wednesday, February 11
Smell the Umbrella Stand
Season 2 • Episode 15
Charlie tries to distract Alan from an upcoming medical procedure by planning a trip to Las Vegas.
Wednesday, February 11
Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud
Season 8 • Episode 1
Jake goes to live with Judith and Herb after learning that Alan has been dating Eldridge's mom.
Wednesday, February 11
I Called Him Magoo
Season 7 • Episode 20
Alan tries for an intimate night at a hotel with his new girlfriend.
Wednesday, February 11
Gumby With a Pokey
Season 7 • Episode 21
Alan and Jake go on a road trip; Charlie finds himself haunted by the ghosts of his ex-girlfriends.
Wednesday, February 11
This Is Not Gonna End Well
Season 7 • Episode 22
Charlie's license is suspended; Alan plans to go to Chelsea's birthday party.
Wednesday, February 11
Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud
Season 8 • Episode 1
Jake goes to live with Judith and Herb after learning that Alan has been dating Eldridge's mom.
Wednesday, February 11
A Pudding-Filled Cactus
Season 8 • Episode 3
After moving in with Lyndsey, Alan continues to have a rendezvous with Melissa at Charlie's house.
Wednesday, February 11
Hookers, Hookers, Hookers
Season 8 • Episode 4
Lyndsey and Eldridge move into Charlie's house after their home burns down.
Wednesday, February 11
The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel
Season 8 • Episode 5
Alan pretends to be Charlie when he goes out on the town; Charlie sneaks off for cosmetic surgery.
Wednesday, February 11
Twanging Your Magic Clanger
Season 8 • Episode 6
Charlie has difficulty dealing with dating a slightly older woman.
Wednesday, February 11
The Crazy Bitch Gazette
Season 8 • Episode 7
Charlie's girlfriend gets fed up with his stalker, Rose.
Wednesday, February 11
Springtime on a Stick
Season 8 • Episode 8
Charlie and Alan try to set Evelyn up with the pharmacist, Russell.
Thursday, February 12
I Changed My Mind About the Milk
Season 10 • Episode 1
Walden plans a surprise for Zoey's birthday.
Thursday, February 12
Can You Eat Human Flesh With Wooden Teeth?
Season 2 • Episode 16
Alan and Charlie spend an eye-opening week caring for Jake.
Thursday, February 12
A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer
Season 8 • Episode 2
When Lindsey asks Alan to move in with her, Charlie will do anything to get him to agree to it.
Thursday, February 12
A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer
Season 8 • Episode 2
When Lindsey asks Alan to move in with her, Charlie will do anything to get him to agree to it.
Thursday, February 12
A Good Time in Central Africa
Season 8 • Episode 9
Charlie falls for the woman who replaces Berta on her days off.
Thursday, February 12
Ow, Ow, Don't Stop
Season 8 • Episode 10
Charlie goes on a spending spree for old fling Courtney when she is released from prison.
Thursday, February 12
Dead From the Waist Down
Season 8 • Episode 11
Ashamed that he can't afford to buy a birthday present for Lyndsey, Alan gets creative.
Thursday, February 12
Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead
Season 8 • Episode 12
Depressed after his breakup from Courtney, Charlie goes to see his psychiatrist.
Thursday, February 12
Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup
Season 8 • Episode 13
Alan feels paranoid when Lyndsey becomes friendly with Charlie.
Thursday, February 12
Looking' for Japanese Subs
Season 8 • Episode 14
Charlie stalks Rose; Eldridge and Jake begin videotaping dangerous stunts.
Thursday, February 12
Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak
Season 8 • Episode 15
Charlie and Rose continue their affair; Alan's business becomes a Ponzi scheme.
Thursday, February 12
That Darn Priest
Season 8 • Episode 16
Rose discovers Alan's Ponzi scheme; Charlie tries to get time alone with Rose.
Thursday, February 12
Pilot
Season 1 • Episode 1
Charlie discovers that a man raising a 10-year-old boy attracts the attention of women.
Friday, February 13
Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt
Season 10 • Episode 3
Lyndsey and Alan try to add a little excitement to their love life.
Friday, February 13
Woo-Hoo, A Hernia-Exam!
Season 2 • Episode 17
Charlie eschews Alan's medical advice in favor of a visit to his pretty female doctor.
Friday, February 13
A Pudding-Filled Cactus
Season 8 • Episode 3
After moving in with Lyndsey, Alan continues to have a rendezvous with Melissa at Charlie's house.
Saturday, February 14
It Was Mame, Mom
Season 2 • Episode 18
Charlie and Alan pose as a gay couple in order to impress a gay ad executive.
Saturday, February 14
Hookers, Hookers, Hookers
Season 8 • Episode 4
Lyndsey and Eldridge move into Charlie's house after their home burns down.
Monday, February 16
Working for Caligula
Season 4 • Episode 1
Charlie returns to his bachelor lifestyle; Alan breaks down following his second divorce.
Monday, February 16
Who's Vod Kanockers?
Season 4 • Episode 2
Charlie tells Alan the truth about his breakup with Mia; a famous neighbor causes trouble.
Monday, February 16
An Old Flame With a New Wick New
Season 1 • Episode 18
Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man (Chris O'Donnell).
Monday, February 16
I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You New
Season 1 • Episode 19
Judith's sister (Teri Hatcher) hits on Alan at Jake's birthday party.
Monday, February 16
Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark New
Season 1 • Episode 20
After trying a father/son talk, Alan and Judith decide to take a moody Jake to a therapist.
Monday, February 16
No Sniffing, No Wowing New
Season 1 • Episode 21
Charlie jeopardizes Alan's settlement by sleeping with his attorney.
Monday, February 16
My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet New
Season 1 • Episode 22
Charlie attempts to cure Alan of his recent bout of sleepwalking.
Monday, February 16
Just Like Buffalo New
Season 1 • Episode 23
Charlie tries to get Judith to let Jake continue to spend weekends at his place.
Monday, February 16
Can You Feel My Finger? New
Season 1 • Episode 24
A pregnancy scare has Charlie heading to the doctor for a vasectomy.
Monday, February 16
Back Off Mary Poppins New
Season 2 • Episode 1
Alan begs Charlie to let him join his exclusive men's group.
Monday, February 16
Enjoy Those Garlic Balls New
Season 2 • Episode 2
Alan is upset that Judith is dating Jake's pediatrician.
Monday, February 16
A Bag Full of Jawea New
Season 2 • Episode 3
Charlie tries to save Jake from school suspension by romancing his teacher.
Monday, February 16
Go Get Mommy's Bra New
Season 2 • Episode 4
Charlie's mother borrows the Mercedes to impress a Saudi prince.
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