Two and a Half Men

Tuesday, February 17

Big Flappy Bastards

Season 1 • Episode 2

Charlie does not know how to discipline Jake for luring a flock of sea gulls into his room.

Tuesday, February 17

Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell

Season 1 • Episode 3

One drink too many emboldens the brothers to stand up to their controlling mother.

Tuesday, February 17

If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap

Season 1 • Episode 4

Alan tries to take over the housework after his neurotic demands scare away Charlie's cleaning lady.

Tuesday, February 17

The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up With a Hump

Season 1 • Episode 5

Charlie and Alan meet several women while attending one of Jake's soccer games.

Tuesday, February 17

Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?

Season 1 • Episode 6

After Evelyn's new beau dumps her, Charlie and Alan enlist Jake to cheer her up.

Tuesday, February 17

If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake

Season 1 • Episode 7

For a school assignment, Jake draws the tattooed buttocks of Charlie's female friend.

Tuesday, February 17

Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful

Season 1 • Episode 8

Charlie uses his ability to write jingles to produce Jake's school musical.

Tuesday, February 17

Phase One, Complete

Season 1 • Episode 9

Charlie suspects a woman is using Evelyn and Jake to get to him.

Tuesday, February 17

Merry Thanksgiving

Season 1 • Episode 10

In an attempt to prove that he is a family man, Charlie invites Lisa over for Thanksgiving dinner.

Tuesday, February 17

Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

Season 1 • Episode 11

Alan reluctantly agrees to a makeover after running into his ex-wife and her new beau.

Wednesday, February 18

That's Not What They Call It in Amsterdam

Season 10 • Episode 5

Walden ignores Alan's warnings and starts dating Rose (Melanie Lynskey).

Wednesday, February 18

I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey

Season 2 • Episode 20

Charlie and Alan take their personal frustrations out on each other.

Wednesday, February 18

Twanging Your Magic Clanger

Season 8 • Episode 6

Charlie has difficulty dealing with dating a slightly older woman.

Wednesday, February 18

Camel Filters and Pheremones

Season 1 • Episode 12

The housekeeper's sexy teenage granddaughter attracts the guys' attention.

Wednesday, February 18

Sarah Like Puny Alan

Season 1 • Episode 13

Charlie drags his ailing brother to a men's steam room.

Wednesday, February 18

I Can't Afford Hyenas

Season 1 • Episode 14

Charlie's accountant (Richard Lewis) tries to explain his financial woes.

Wednesday, February 18

Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick

Season 1 • Episode 15

Against Alan's judgment, Charlie falls for a seemingly crazy woman named Frankie (Jenna Elfman).

Wednesday, February 18

That Was Saliva, Alan

Season 1 • Episode 16

Frankie (Jenna Elfman) divulges her big secret, then falls for one of the brothers.

Wednesday, February 18

Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats

Season 1 • Episode 17

Alan offends Charlie by choosing harebrained cousins as Jake's guardians in the event of his death.

Wednesday, February 18

An Old Flame With a New Wick

Season 1 • Episode 18

Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man (Chris O'Donnell).

Wednesday, February 18

I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You

Season 1 • Episode 19

Judith's sister (Teri Hatcher) hits on Alan at Jake's birthday party.

Thursday, February 19

Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark

Season 1 • Episode 20

After trying a father/son talk, Alan and Judith decide to take a moody Jake to a therapist.

Thursday, February 19

A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On

Season 2 • Episode 21

Evelyn reads in the obituaries that her second husband, Harry, has died.

Thursday, February 19

No Sniffing, No Wowing

Season 1 • Episode 21

Charlie jeopardizes Alan's settlement by sleeping with his attorney.

Thursday, February 19

The Crazy Bitch Gazette

Season 8 • Episode 7

Charlie's girlfriend gets fed up with his stalker, Rose.

Thursday, February 19

My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet

Season 1 • Episode 22

Charlie attempts to cure Alan of his recent bout of sleepwalking.

Thursday, February 19

Just Like Buffalo

Season 1 • Episode 23

Charlie tries to get Judith to let Jake continue to spend weekends at his place.

Thursday, February 19

Can You Feel My Finger?

Season 1 • Episode 24

A pregnancy scare has Charlie heading to the doctor for a vasectomy.

Thursday, February 19

Back Off Mary Poppins

Season 2 • Episode 1

Alan begs Charlie to let him join his exclusive men's group.

Thursday, February 19

Enjoy Those Garlic Balls

Season 2 • Episode 2

Alan is upset that Judith is dating Jake's pediatrician.

Thursday, February 19

A Bag Full of Jawea

Season 2 • Episode 3

Charlie tries to save Jake from school suspension by romancing his teacher.

Thursday, February 19

Go Get Mommy's Bra

Season 2 • Episode 4

Charlie's mother borrows the Mercedes to impress a Saudi prince.

Thursday, February 19

Bad News From the Clinic

Season 2 • Episode 5

Charlie meets his match when he falls for a woman who is better at playing hard to get than he is.

Thursday, February 19

The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance

Season 2 • Episode 6

Alan fears he has a dark side, until Charlie admits to a nasty trick.

Thursday, February 19

A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana

Season 2 • Episode 7

Charlie and Alan hire Berta's sister to cater a party.

Friday, February 20

I Scream When I Pee

Season 10 • Episode 9

Alan's famous ex-wife, Kandi, wants to reconcile; Walden tries to make Berta's birthday special.

Friday, February 20

That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother

Season 2 • Episode 22

After taking a loan from Evelyn, Alan is guilted into double-dating with her.

Friday, February 20

Springtime on a Stick

Season 8 • Episode 8

Charlie and Alan try to set Evelyn up with the pharmacist, Russell.

Saturday, February 21

Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab

Season 2 • Episode 23

Alan is reluctant to leave Jake with Evelyn.

Saturday, February 21

A Good Time in Central Africa

Season 8 • Episode 9

Charlie falls for the woman who replaces Berta on her days off.

Monday, February 23

Taterhead Is Our Love Child

Season 6 • Episode 1

Charlie finds that one of his former girlfriends has a son who looks a lot like him.

Monday, February 23

Pie Hole, Herb

Season 6 • Episode 2

Alan crosses a line when he tries to get back money that he lent Charlie.

Monday, February 23

Bad News From the Clinic New

Season 2 • Episode 5

Charlie meets his match when he falls for a woman who is better at playing hard to get than he is.

Monday, February 23

The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance New

Season 2 • Episode 6

Alan fears he has a dark side, until Charlie admits to a nasty trick.

Monday, February 23

A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana New

Season 2 • Episode 7

Charlie and Alan hire Berta's sister to cater a party.

Monday, February 23

Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers New

Season 2 • Episode 8

Alan meets a woman at the grocery store who fulfills his every fantasy.

Monday, February 23

Yes, Monsignor New

Season 2 • Episode 9

Charlie bumps into an old flame he once thought would be Mrs. Right.

Monday, February 23

The Salmon Under My Sweater New

Season 2 • Episode 10

Charlie is tasked with writing a theme song to one of Jake's favorite comics.

Monday, February 23

Last Chance to See Those Tattoos New

Season 2 • Episode 11

Jake discovers an angry Web site devoted to Charlie's womanizing ways.

Monday, February 23

A Lungful of Alan New

Season 2 • Episode 12

The brothers compete for the attentions of Alan's high-school friend.

Monday, February 23

Zejdz Zmoich Wlosow (Get Off My Hair) New

Season 2 • Episode 13

When Judith's pipes burst after an earthquake, Alan invites her to stay with him at Charlie's house.

Monday, February 23

Those Big Pink Things With Coconuts New

Season 2 • Episode 14

Evelyn takes drastic measures to get back into her sons' lives after Alan cuts her off.

Tuesday, February 24

Does This Smell Funny to You?

Season 2 • Episode 24

Charlie unknowingly sleeps with an elderly man's (Orson Bean) hot trophy wife.

Tuesday, February 24

Ow, Ow, Don't Stop

Season 8 • Episode 10

Charlie goes on a spending spree for old fling Courtney when she is released from prison.

Tuesday, February 24

Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers

Season 2 • Episode 8

Alan meets a woman at the grocery store who fulfills his every fantasy.

Tuesday, February 24

Yes, Monsignor

Season 2 • Episode 9

Charlie bumps into an old flame he once thought would be Mrs. Right.

Tuesday, February 24

The Salmon Under My Sweater

Season 2 • Episode 10

Charlie is tasked with writing a theme song to one of Jake's favorite comics.

Tuesday, February 24

Last Chance to See Those Tattoos

Season 2 • Episode 11

Jake discovers an angry Web site devoted to Charlie's womanizing ways.

Tuesday, February 24

A Lungful of Alan

Season 2 • Episode 12

The brothers compete for the attentions of Alan's high-school friend.

Tuesday, February 24

Zejdz Zmoich Wlosow (Get Off My Hair)

Season 2 • Episode 13

When Judith's pipes burst after an earthquake, Alan invites her to stay with him at Charlie's house.

Tuesday, February 24

Those Big Pink Things With Coconuts

Season 2 • Episode 14

Evelyn takes drastic measures to get back into her sons' lives after Alan cuts her off.

Tuesday, February 24

Smell the Umbrella Stand

Season 2 • Episode 15

Charlie tries to distract Alan from an upcoming medical procedure by planning a trip to Las Vegas.

Tuesday, February 24

Can You Eat Human Flesh With Wooden Teeth?

Season 2 • Episode 16

Alan and Charlie spend an eye-opening week caring for Jake.

Tuesday, February 24

A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On

Season 2 • Episode 21

Evelyn reads in the obituaries that her second husband, Harry, has died.

Wednesday, February 25

Give Santa a Tail-Hole

Season 10 • Episode 11

Walden juggles his two identities; Alan ends up alone on Christmas.

Wednesday, February 25

Weekend in Bangkok With Two Olympic Gymnasts

Season 3 • Episode 1

After Alan falls off the roof, Charlie volunteers to watch Jake for the weekend.

Wednesday, February 25

Dead From the Waist Down

Season 8 • Episode 11

Ashamed that he can't afford to buy a birthday present for Lyndsey, Alan gets creative.

Wednesday, February 25

Woo-Hoo, A Hernia-Exam!

Season 2 • Episode 17

Charlie eschews Alan's medical advice in favor of a visit to his pretty female doctor.

Wednesday, February 25

It Was Mame, Mom

Season 2 • Episode 18

Charlie and Alan pose as a gay couple in order to impress a gay ad executive.

Wednesday, February 25

A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise

Season 2 • Episode 19

Alan asks one of Charlie's beautiful ex-girlfriends on a date.

Wednesday, February 25

I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey

Season 2 • Episode 20

Charlie and Alan take their personal frustrations out on each other.

Wednesday, February 25

That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother

Season 2 • Episode 22

After taking a loan from Evelyn, Alan is guilted into double-dating with her.

Wednesday, February 25

Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab

Season 2 • Episode 23

Alan is reluctant to leave Jake with Evelyn.

Wednesday, February 25

Does This Smell Funny to You?

Season 2 • Episode 24

Charlie unknowingly sleeps with an elderly man's (Orson Bean) hot trophy wife.

Wednesday, February 25

Weekend in Bangkok With Two Olympic Gymnasts

Season 3 • Episode 1

After Alan falls off the roof, Charlie volunteers to watch Jake for the weekend.

Wednesday, February 25

Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark

Season 3 • Episode 3

Charlie organizes an intervention to keep Alan from reuniting with Judith.

Wednesday, February 25

Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs

Season 3 • Episode 4

Berta moves into Charlie's house for a few days and plays one brother against the other.

Thursday, February 26

Grab a Feather and Get in Line

Season 10 • Episode 13

Alan and Walden go to Kate's fashion show in New York so Walden can reveal his true identity.

Thursday, February 26

Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover

Season 3 • Episode 2

Alan must see the school principal over a picture Jake drew.

Thursday, February 26

Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead

Season 8 • Episode 12

Depressed after his breakup from Courtney, Charlie goes to see his psychiatrist.

Thursday, February 26

Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover

Season 3 • Episode 2

Alan must see the school principal over a picture Jake drew.

Thursday, February 26

We Called It Mr. Pinky

Season 3 • Episode 5

Charlie responds inappropriately to a woman's declaration of love.

Thursday, February 26

Hi, Mr. Horned One

Season 3 • Episode 6

Charlie likes dating Isabella, until she threatens to put a curse on his manhood.

Thursday, February 26

Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop

Season 3 • Episode 7

Rose's father (Martin Sheen) confronts Charlie about his intentions toward Rose.

Thursday, February 26

That Voodoo That I Do Do

Season 3 • Episode 8

Charlie cons Jake into taking ballet lessons in order to get close to the teacher.

Thursday, February 26

Madame and Her Special Friend

Season 3 • Episode 9

Alan is propositioned by one of Charlie's elderly neighbors; Charlie tries to stop Jake.

Thursday, February 26

Something Salted and Twisted

Season 3 • Episode 10

Alan organizes a family dinner to celebrate a newspaper article about him.

Thursday, February 26

Santa's Village of the Damned

Season 3 • Episode 11

Alan dates a controlling woman who takes over the house during the Christmas holidays.

Thursday, February 26

That Special Tug

Season 3 • Episode 12

Alan's emotional breakdown after dropping Jake off for a weekend away sends Charlie to a therapist.

Thursday, February 26

Humiliation Is a Visual Medium

Season 3 • Episode 13

Charlie must deal with the challenges of a committed relationship that is not based on sex.

Friday, February 27

Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It

Season 10 • Episode 15

When Jake brings his 36-year-old girlfriend home for a visit, Alan is concerned.

Friday, February 27

Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark

Season 3 • Episode 3

Charlie organizes an intervention to keep Alan from reuniting with Judith.

Friday, February 27

Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup

Season 8 • Episode 13

Alan feels paranoid when Lyndsey becomes friendly with Charlie.

Saturday, February 28

Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs

Season 3 • Episode 4

Berta moves into Charlie's house for a few days and plays one brother against the other.

Saturday, February 28

Looking' for Japanese Subs

Season 8 • Episode 14

Charlie stalks Rose; Eldridge and Jake begin videotaping dangerous stunts.

Monday, March 2

Damn You, Eggs Benedict

Season 6 • Episode 3

Charlie attempts to cook, Alan tries to date two women at the same time, and Jake samples beer.

Monday, March 2

The Flavin' and the Mavin

Season 6 • Episode 4

Alan awaits disaster as Charlie romances Alan's sweet receptionist.

Monday, March 2

Smell the Umbrella Stand

Season 2 • Episode 15

Charlie tries to distract Alan from an upcoming medical procedure by planning a trip to Las Vegas.

Monday, March 2

Can You Eat Human Flesh With Wooden Teeth?

Season 2 • Episode 16

Alan and Charlie spend an eye-opening week caring for Jake.

Monday, March 2

Woo-Hoo, A Hernia-Exam!

Season 2 • Episode 17

Charlie eschews Alan's medical advice in favor of a visit to his pretty female doctor.

Monday, March 2

It Was Mame, Mom

Season 2 • Episode 18

Charlie and Alan pose as a gay couple in order to impress a gay ad executive.

Monday, March 2

A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise

Season 2 • Episode 19

Alan asks one of Charlie's beautiful ex-girlfriends on a date.

Monday, March 2

I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey

Season 2 • Episode 20

Charlie and Alan take their personal frustrations out on each other.

Monday, March 2

A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On

Season 2 • Episode 21

Evelyn reads in the obituaries that her second husband, Harry, has died.

Monday, March 2

That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother

Season 2 • Episode 22

After taking a loan from Evelyn, Alan is guilted into double-dating with her.

Tuesday, March 3

We Called It Mr. Pinky

Season 3 • Episode 5

Charlie responds inappropriately to a woman's declaration of love.

Tuesday, March 3

Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak

Season 8 • Episode 15

Charlie and Rose continue their affair; Alan's business becomes a Ponzi scheme.

Tuesday, March 3

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Tuesday, March 3

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Tuesday, March 3

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Tuesday, March 3

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Tuesday, March 3

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Tuesday, March 3

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Tuesday, March 3

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Tuesday, March 3

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Tuesday, March 3

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Tuesday, March 3

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Wednesday, March 4

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Wednesday, March 4

Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop

Season 3 • Episode 7

Rose's father (Martin Sheen) confronts Charlie about his intentions toward Rose.

Wednesday, March 4

That Darn Priest

Season 8 • Episode 16

Rose discovers Alan's Ponzi scheme; Charlie tries to get time alone with Rose.

Wednesday, March 4

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Wednesday, March 4

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Wednesday, March 4

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Wednesday, March 4

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Wednesday, March 4

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Wednesday, March 4

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Wednesday, March 4

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Wednesday, March 4

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Wednesday, March 4

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Wednesday, March 4

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Thursday, March 5

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Thursday, March 5

That Voodoo That I Do Do

Season 3 • Episode 8

Charlie cons Jake into taking ballet lessons in order to get close to the teacher.

Thursday, March 5

Pilot

Season 1 • Episode 1

Charlie discovers that a man raising a 10-year-old boy attracts the attention of women.

Thursday, March 5

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Thursday, March 5

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Thursday, March 5

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Thursday, March 5

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Thursday, March 5

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Thursday, March 5

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Thursday, March 5

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Thursday, March 5

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Thursday, March 5

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Thursday, March 5

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Friday, March 6

The social interactions of a group of misfits, including a divorcee and an Internet billionaire.

Friday, March 6

Madame and Her Special Friend

Season 3 • Episode 9

Alan is propositioned by one of Charlie's elderly neighbors; Charlie tries to stop Jake.

Friday, March 6

Big Flappy Bastards

Season 1 • Episode 2

Charlie does not know how to discipline Jake for luring a flock of sea gulls into his room.