‘SNL’ Riffs on Will Smith Slap, Angela Bassett Rap in Oscars-Themed Cold Open (VIDEO)

Saturday Night Live had more than half its cast hit the faux red carpet in a cold-open spoof of the 95th Academy Awards. And from mentions of Ariana DeBose’s Angela Bassett rap and Will Smith’s Oscars slap to jokes about Ozempic and Tár, nothing was off the table!

March 11’s cold open took the guise of an Oscars red carpet pre-show, hosted by Marcello Hernández as Mario Lopez (“the man inside your hotel TV who tells you what the movies are”) and Heidi Gardner as either Maria Menounos or Kit Hoover. (“They haven’t told me which yet,” she says.)

“You’re about to watch the 95th annual Academy Awards, sponsored by Ozempic,” Mario says.

“Ozempic: I guess everyone in Hollywood has diabetes,” adds Maria/Kit.

Mario says that he and Maria/Kit have been outside the Dolby Theatre for almost 153 hours. “But it’s all worth it to ask Angela Bassett if she really did the thing,” he quips.

Will Heath/NBC

Then — after doing “a few awkward pan-downs to women’s feet” on the red carpet — the hosts mention last year’s Will Smith-Chris Rock altercation and reveal that the Academy has hired “notoriously calm and sane person” Mike Tyson as its new head of security.

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“I am ready to handle the proceedings judiciously and expeditiously,” says Mike, played by Kenan Thompson. “But I should warn you, the following things will set me off: clapping, statues of gold people, and shows that last more than two hours. And also, hearing the phrase ‘the magic of movies.’”

Then the hosts get a chance to interview Everything Everywhere All at Once’s Jamie Lee Curtis — played by Chloe Fineman — who says she’s wearing “Kirkland by Costco” for the occasion.

“I mean, seriously, how great is this?” Jamie says. “I sold yogurt that made you poop, and now I’m nominated?!”

Jamie also praises her fellow nominees. “Cate Blanchett, are you kidding me?” she says. “Tár, oh, my God. Tár was iconic, vivacious, carnivorous, queer, vague, confusing, long, partially in German, and it was hands down the funniest movie of the year.”

Will Heath/NBC

The pre-show also includes odds from DraftKings, in an effort to capture the “degenerate gamblers” in the audience. And the DraftKings commentators — played by Andrew Dismukes and Devon Walker — give the latest betting lines: “3–1 odds that a young actor brings out an old actor in a wheelchair and regrets it immediately. 2-1 that an actress who made $20 million last year will say the phrase ‘We are all Ukraine.’ And 10-1 that someone in the In Memoriam is still alive.” (Remember when that actually happened in 2017?)

Then, after interviewing The Banshees of Inisherin’s Colin Farrell and Brendan Gleeson (played by Mikey Day and Molly Kearney, using unintelligible Irish brogue) and Michelle Williams’ “Jewish acting coach” for The Fabelmans (played by Sarah Sherman), the hosts come face to face with Tom Cruise.

Only it’s not Tom Cruise. It’s fibbing Rep. George Santos, played by Bowen Yang. “No, no, I’m definitely Thomas Q. Cruise, star of this year’s blockbuster film Top Gun 2: Top Bottom,” George says. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go be everyone everywhere all at once.”

Saturday Night Live, Saturdays, 11:30/10:30c, NBC