Lexi & Rae Explain Why They Broke Up After ‘The Ultimatum: Queer Love’ Reunion
Lexi Goldberg and Raelyn “Rae” Cheung-Sutton seemed happy as ever during The Ultimatum: Queer Love reunion, streaming on Netflix as of June 7. In fact, both said during the get together that the year since filming had been one of the best of their lives. However, a text slide at the end of the reunion revealed they broke up shortly after filming. TV Insider caught up with Lexi and Rae individually to ask what happened.
“It was pretty soon thereafter where we started really running into problems,” says Lexi. “There was some stuff that happened during filming that was not part of production. I had found out some stuff that just was really new information to me, that I probably should have known about when deciding if I was going to get engaged or at some point after.”
“We talk a lot when we’re filming these shows, and afterwards. It’s like, ‘Hey, we don’t know what’s gonna make the final cut. I don’t know what you did when I wasn’t around. So like, let’s just keep an open and honest communication, because I’d rather be forgiving of something than be shocked by something I find out later,'” she continues. “And there just was some dishonesty there about during filming, and that really just made it hard for me to rebuild trust again.”
Rae shares her perspective: “It was about a year and a half of being engaged. It was probably one of the best years of our relationship, but with that being said, there’s obviously still stuff from the show, stuff from our past that kind of bubbles back up. You deal with it as it comes. Leading up to the reunion, we were in an OK place, but after [filming the reunion], her lifestyle and career drastically changed. And I think we both — from the show and from everything that happened that I’m going to be vague about — just changed as people.”
“Sometimes I think when you commit to someone, you’re committing to work with each other through those changes,” Rae continues. “Sometimes, there are non-negotiables you don’t want to work through. And I think we both got to a point where we said, ‘I don’t think this is working for either of us, we’re going in separate directions.’ And that’s OK. I think we both look back on the relationship and say it was a really great relationship.”
Elisabeth Caren/Netflix
While their breakup had nothing to do with the show, Lexi was shocked watching Rae and Vanessa Papa‘s trial marriage (the cast watched the episodes as a group just hours before filming the reunion).
“There were conversations that Rae and I had had about Vanessa’s character, some stuff about me not really agreeing with some of the ways she talked about different types of people,” she says. “After the point where I think Rae was really made aware of that, watching how really cavalier the behavior was across the board was a little shocking to see. And candidly, I think shocking even for my parents when they watched the episodes release over the last few weeks. They were like, ‘Wow, this person really didn’t have regard for you’ and some of the concerns that I have had.”
“I wish I was maybe made more aware of that, because it was really clear that they had a really solid friendship that was formed, which I didn’t know about,” Lexi adds.
Rae watched the season twice, first before the reunion and then again after the breakup. The first go around, she was just “going through the motions of watching it, and I wasn’t really processing what happened. And now when I watched it back the second time through, at this point, we’re not together, so I’m watching it through a new lens and just seeing the ways in which we communicated.” Their communication in the beginning of the show, Rae says, was not great, but she noticed the improvements.
“A lot of my family had said things to me about our communication. I was just kind of like, ‘OK, OK.’ But now when I watch it back, I’m like, we are just different in how we handle things,” she explains. “I think that also played a role in our separation. We just weren’t really on the same page, which I think is a little evident when I rewatch it.”
Rae was paralyzed with indecision throughout the season. Thanks to post-breakup therapy and reflection, she’s more confident than ever.
Courtesy of Netflix
“Sometimes I think, when I look back, I lost a little bit of myself in the relationship. Now that I am out of it and have been living by myself for the past couple months and watching the show and having conversations with therapy and friends and whatnot, I feel like lighter. I think I’m finding my voice again.”
When it comes to Vanessa, Rae didn’t feel the need to talk to her during the reunion, explaining, “I lived with her for three weeks, I did not need her to be a part of my life either. So there was just kind of nothing to address her between her and I.” However, she “hated every second” of Lexi and Vanessa talking about “finger gate” in the reunion.
“Unlike other couples like Yoly and Xander, they were kind of discreet about whatever happened,” Rae says. “Then there’s Vanessa who said what she said, and then Lexi was prodding her in that cocktail party. Watching it back, I just kind of felt like a piece of meat. You guys don’t need to talk about me when I’m not there. I’m kind of sad about how that all played out. But it’s reality TV, baby.”
One thing she wishes was highlighted in the episodes was the different upbringings she, Aussie Chau, and Sam Mark had as Asian people. Her struggles to communicate, Rae says, may have been more understandable with “cultural context.”
“You see a little bit of it with Aussie … and same thing for me,” she says. “There’s kind of like an Asian repression. I don’t know what it is, but my parents are a lot older. My dad grew up with a single mom, so he didn’t talk about his emotions. My mom didn’t really talk about emotions. I think it’s really cool that our generation is talking a lot about therapy and breaking these patterns. Like, I’m starting to say I love you to my sister. I never used to do that. I’m hugging her. We never used to do that. I think my communication and the ability to express my emotions has greatly up-ticked, and that’s what I’m most thankful for.”
Like Yoly and Mal, Lexi says she and Rae are always going to be family, but she “would say we’re like distant cousins” now.
“We don’t communicate. I recognize and acknowledge the part of my life she was a part of, but no, we’re never going out to a bar and having a shot and a beer together,” Lexi adds. “There’s respect there. I wish her nothing but the best in terms of her future relationships. I truly feel like the time we spent together is going to make her a significantly better partner for whoever’s next.” Lexi thinks Rae can now “really choose somebody unanimously and across the board, and to show up better intimately, to show up better as just a partner and continue to keep romance alive, which is what I think I tried to do for a lot of our relationship.”
The Ultimatum: Queer Love, Streaming Now, Netflix
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