Allison Holker Blames ‘Ellen’ Ending for ‘Shift’ in tWitch 7 Months Before His Death

Alyssa Norwin February 4, 2025, 10:32 am

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Allison Holker and Stephen Boss attend the — Tommaso Boddi/Kevin Winter/Getty Images

Stephen “tWitch” Boss worked on The Ellen DeGeneres Show for more than eight years before it came to an end in May 2022, and his wife, Allison Holker, said she noticed a change in him following the talk show’s finale. Seven months later, he died by suicide.

“I don’t believe the end of the show was destabilizing, because he wasn’t out of a job,” Holker wrote in her book, This Far: My Story of Love, Loss, and Embracing the Light. “There was no work slowdown for him. We had so many projects in the pipeline. It did, however, lead to a shift in Stephen’s routine. For nine years, the show had given his days a structure and rhythm. No longer bound to a schedule, Stephen had more time to spend inside his head.”

Looking back, Holker admittedly may have “overlooked” symptoms of depression in her late husband, including “irritability, insomnia, weight loss, a lack of energy, disinterest in work and friends and fun.” She continued, “More and more he came up with excuses or reasons not to do things he previously would have thoroughly enjoyed.”

The pro dancer said she later found out there was a name for what her partner was dealing with. “Anhedonia, and it’s a common symptom of depression,” she wrote. She also recalled, “I would find myself pleading with him to take a shower. At the time, I thought he was too tired to properly care for himself. Now I know that neglecting self-care is another classic sign of depression.”

Holker also revealed that things took a “really weird turn” in her husband’s behavior after he went on an ayahuasca trip to “confront the pressures of fatherhood, grapple with the absence of father figures in his own life, and address his feelings of abandonment.” As she explained, “I’ve since learned that for individuals with underlying mental health issues, ayahuasca can exacerbate deep-seated problems. It can bring those issues to a boil, if you will, if there is not close supervision. The outcome can be the opposite of the intended healing. Stephen was never the same afterward.”

Allison Holker’s Daughter Defends Her Against Backlash Over tWitch Comments

While promoting her book earlier this month, Holker received criticism from many of tWitch’s family members and loved ones for speaking on behalf of the late star and publicly sharing his struggles.

“I want to be clear that my only intention in writing the book is to share my own story as well as part of my life with Stephen to help other people,” she said in response. “Just like you, I never really knew what happened, and as I am trying to put the pieces together I will never really know. I hope that by sharing our full story maybe I can help someone else who might see themselves or a loved one in Stephen. In sharing I hope maybe they catch some [of] the red flags that I missed before it’s too late.”

If you or anyone you know is having suicidal thoughts, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or dial 988. If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911.