’90 Day Fiancé: Happily Ever After?’: Controlled Chaos (RECAP)

[Warning: The below contains MAJOR spoilers for Season 5, Episode 7 of 90 Day Fiancé: Happily Ever After?]

Finally, the scales tip towards the payoff we’ve all been waiting for. Tensions boil over between Andrei and Elizabeth’s father, Larissa looks into Eric’s past, and Jess drunkenly disses Debbie. Plus, we get the full image of Colt in a Speedo. Let’s dive in and rejoice in this week’s chaos.

Detecting a Difference

Finally, Elizabeth’s family arrives in Moldova. Her father Chuck and brother Charlie land first, marking their first trip to Europe. Andrei assumes they’ll be “in shock” at venturing outside of Florida.

“Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would come to Chișinău, Moldova, so landing here was so surreal,” Chuck tells the camera, with his son echoing that it’s unlike Tampa. Of course to make matters worse, their checked luggage was missing after the flight.

“Before Libby started talking to Andrei, we’ve never even heard of Moldova,” Charles says. “He met my sister online and everything moved real fast, so there’s still a lot of question marks of who he is. This will be really nice to see how he acts in his own environment.”

As Andrei drives them to the Airbnb, father-in-law Chuck asks where the nearest Walmart is. “Sometimes I feel like the language barrier is actually a positive thing because Elizabeth’s family’s stupid stuff is not going to touch the ears of my family,” Andrei confides in the camera.

Elizabeth’s brother questions if there are traffic cops, Amazon deliveries, salads, or BBQ in Moldova. Andrei just laughs. We also learn that apparently Andrei used to be a detective in Moldova before moving to Ireland to work as a club bouncer. He alludes to some “trouble” that prompted the relocation, adding to Chuck’s paranoia about Andrei’s true intentions.

A Feast of Insecurity

Back in Brazil, Jess brings Colt and Debbie to meet her family. Colt is most anxious to meet Jess’ father to win his approval. Her dad also seems to be a tough judge of character: he admits to the camera that this is Jess’ first American boyfriend, and Colt should be “man enough” to marry her if their relationship continues.

“I’m not too fond of her father. Her dad is very weird,” Debbie states in a confessional. As they all sit down to eat, Debbie points out that she recognizes a dish. Jess literally stirs the pot, asking if Larissa previously cooked it for her. Colt jumps in to remark that Larissa’s cooking “wasn’t very good” so there’s no reason for Jess to be self-conscious.

Jess’ father immediately begins interrogating Colt about his past marriage. Colt explains that he was only married to Larissa for six months, and then six months later he started dating Jess. “I wasn’t looking for love,” Colt assures him. Jess’ dad is unsatisfied with Colt’s explanation, and demands to know if he’s just using Jess as a substitute for Larissa.

(Goat) Heads Will Roll

Angela and Michael prepare to host his mother and aunt. This sparks another debate over what an American wife does versus a Nigerian wife. “I did not come to Nigeria to be a cooker,” Angela snaps, especially not in an apartment that she’s paying for.

“It’s our apartment. Your money is my money,” Michael responds.

The open-air market intimidates Angela, who says they should just “order a pizza.” She refuses to look at the groceries, partly because of the lack of refrigeration but also because she does not want to cook at all. Michael pressures Angela to purchase goat meat, but she freaks out and hides behind him.

“She saw a goat head. She flipped out and she ran past me. She almost hit me, pushed me to the gutter. Why are you so scared of the goat head?” Michael recounts to the camera.

“I’m going to throw up just imagining it,” Angela stresses, gagging in his car. “I can’t live like this. God, thank you for the United States of America…I’ve probably got malaria now.” She vomits on the side of the road, repeating that she’s not Nigerian and Michael can’t “make her be.”

New Digs, Same Watering Hole

A newly-homeless Larissa calls her boyfriend Eric. She explains that her roommate Carmen kicked her out because of their rekindled relationship, and he offers for Larissa to stay with him. She asks—due to the complicated romance—to stay in a separate bedroom away from Eric.

“Maybe it can be the best mistake of my life,” Larissa says to him about the move.

What she didn’t seem to realize is that Eric already has a roommate, David. “At least he doesn’t live with his mother!” she jokes to the camera.

David sees the now-trio living situation as a bad sign. “I was thinking Eric may have dodged a bullet but you have to follow your heart sometimes,” he dryly says in a confessional. “A lot of people go back to the same watering hole.”

Larissa attempts to bond with David over video games and her self-described nerdiness. She then opens up about her previous arrests and David casually asks her not to hit him. THIS IS A REAL CONVERSATION ON TELEVISION.

Meanwhile Eric just has hearts in his eyes, holding hands with Larissa and smiling. “I see myself living with Eric for a long time in that house,” she coos.

Will You Be My Bus Driver?

Kalani and Asuelu take their two sons to a park. Asuelu admits that he was wrong to say Samoan women work harder than Kalani, but she asks if he will repeat the same behavior later. He tries to deflect, but she pushes back.

“I will show you that I will not do that again. I will learn from the past and we just move forward,” Asuelu insists. They hug but his apology rings false, even to Kalani.

Asuelu also asks if they can visit his half-sisters in Washington; his mother has a Green Card and also is in the U.S. visiting them. Kalani agrees to the trip but says they need to “be a team” in front of his family. “I promise I will not throw you under the bus again and forever. I want you to be my bus driver,” Asuelu pleads.

“I just hope you’ll actually do what you say,” Kalani skeptically responds.

A Side of Co(lt)-Dependency

After Jess’ father asks what Colt’s intentions are, he blurts out that he wants to have a family with her. With Debbie sitting right there. In front of Jess’ whole family who he has never met before. WHAT?!

“I didn’t plan on meeting her but I did and I fell in love with her immediately,” Colt explains. “I think your daughter is the best person I’ve ever met.” Does that include Debbie? He probably got a spanking that night…from either Debbie or Jess.

“If you really love Jess that much, then this marriage needs to be in my house so I can see your eyes,” her stepmother tells Colt. Debbie is flabbergasted. Colt and Jess have only been dating for two months, but Jess says that she felt like she’s known him for years.

“Colt and Jess’ relationship is moving awfully fast and I don’t understand why her family doesn’t seem a little upset or suspicious about it. I don’t want him divorced in six months [again],” Debbie explains.

Jess balks at the comparison between her and Larissa but doesn’t have an answer as to why they’re rushing things. She shushes Debbie, listing off the things she does for Colt like washing his clothes and cooking his food. “F**k you!” an obviously tipsy Jess yells at Debbie across the table.

In a confessional, Jess’ father agrees to the sentiment. “[Debbie] is too bossy. It’s like ‘I want my son for myself and that’s it,'” he tells the camera.

Colt tries to defuse the situation, offering to escort Debbie to a cab. She’s surprised that he isn’t accompanying her back to the hotel. “I feel bad about sending my mother back to the hotel, but tonight isn’t about her. It’s about Jess and me, and I need to spend time with her family because I really see a future with Jess,” he says.

Tiny House Hunters

Paul picks up his two dogs that were at a “training facility” while he was in Brazil, which was over a year. Is he in the running for dog owner of the year?

There was an urgent opportunity to move into a studio home on the trailer park, so Paul quickly made the decision to move Karine and Pierre there. She is mostly satisfied with the tiny house—except the lack of furniture and curtains.

“Paul is really trying to make me happy, and this house is the first step,” Karine smiles.

Show Us the Money

Asuelu FaceTimes his mom and sister in Washington. Kalani admits to the camera that she doesn’t have the best relationship with her in-laws.

Immediately Asuelu’s mom echoes how lazy American women are; she says she hopes to return to Samoa because people in the U.S. are just “waiting to die.” Her intensity on FaceTime brings a sly grin to Kalani’s face.

At the end of the call, his mom says that she needs money, inciting a justified eye roll from Kalani. “I spend money to buy the diapers and pay the bills,” Asuelu hesitates. “I spend to fix my car.”

“You better leave that car away and work for your mom,” his mother replies.

“Take your car back to the car dealer!” Asuelu’s sister Tammy chimes in. Their mother asks for $1,000, and he says he can only give them $500. “Take care of your family before you, you know?” Tammy says back. Asuelu is flustered and blames Kalani for not giving the whole sum.

Pump the Brakes

A hungover Colt meets with Debbie the following morning. She tells him that she felt disrespected the night before and that he should just be more wary about moving too fast with Jess. “I don’t know where this is all going but I’m spending time with her now,” Colt tries to appease Debbie.

“Do you want to get married that quick?” Debbie asks him. Colt says that he doesn’t know, even though the night before he had announced that he wanted to have children immediately.

“I don’t think Colt is thinking straight,” Debbie tells the camera. He believes that she is overreacting, but Jess should have addressed Debbie’s concerns.

Look Who’s Talking

Elizabeth’s father and brother meet Andrei’s whole family for the first time. Her dad Chuck now has a mission to find out the “real reason” why Andrei left Moldova for Ireland and gears up to grill his parents. His brother confirms that Andrei was a police officer for one year, prompting Chuck to ask what his salary was. Andrei says it was 200 euros a month to be a cop.

“Whatever happened in my past, it’s my business and Chuck and Charlie should leave it alone,” Andrei says in a confessional. “I told Elizabeth I left for Ireland to get a better job. That’s what everybody should know and that’s the end of the conversation.”

Chuck tries to bond with Andrei’s brother with jabs at Andrei’s work ethic. Andrei’s sister-in-law asks if Chuck could help find a job for Andrei. Chuck laughs, explaining that he’s offered Andrei multiple jobs in the past but that he didn’t want to be indebted to him. Andrei promises that Elizabeth had asked him to stay home to watch their infant daughter; she says that she’s “changed her mind” and wants him to work now. Seems like she threw Andrei under Asuelu’s bus.

“I’m totally fine not getting married a second time,” Elizabeth drops a bombshell in her anger. Andrei’s brother says they should just let it simmer until tomorrow.

“Libby is being very, very unstable lately. I don’t know if it’s hormones or she’s being dumb,” Andrei tells the camera. “But this makes me very worried because I’m not really sure what she wants.”

Kiss the Cook

Angela won the argument, surprise, surprise: Michael is cooking for her now instead. His mother and aunt are still coming over for dinner, and Angela expects them to be in shock by her lack of traditional hospitality.

“I ordered an American-style pizza. That’s the only contribution I have to this dinner tonight,” Angela says. “He’s going to be marrying an American woman and this is my turn to show his mom that he’s not going to live as a Nigerian man like if we lived here, because we’re going to be living in the United States…I’m kind of excited to see how [his mother’s] face is going to look when he’s doing all this.”

His family arrives and immediately is surprised to see Michael in the kitchen. His aunt worriedly asks if Angela will learn the traditional Nigerian dishes to cook for him in the U.S. Angela says that she will cook once in a while, but not all the time.

The food Michael has prepared for the evening also is not suitable for their guests, apparently. His mother refuses to try the pizza either. But obviously it’s not too outlandish if there’s a nearby pizza place delivering? Eventually Michael’s mom takes a slice and says that she likes it.

They discuss wedding preparations, inevitably inquiring about when Angela and Michael will have children. However, Angela is awaiting her biopsy results and has yet to tell Michael that she may not be able to carry a child.

Barely There

Jess brings Colt to the beach. He strips down to a Speedo, and they walk hand in hand along the shore. “Colt makes me want sex all the time!” Jess squeals.

She asks what Colt thought about her family, and he says that he loved spending time with them. “I noticed when you get a little drunk, you get a little angry,” Colt opens up the conversation. He tells her she was rude to Debbie; Jess defends her behavior by mentioning Larissa and Colt’s past.

She calls him a “baby boy,” but Colt responds that she’s just a “daddy’s girl.” The key difference is that Jess doesn’t live with her father. Colt asks Jess to be patient with Debbie and to prove to both their families that they’re not “using” each other. Presumably the implication is she’s using him for a Green Card and he’s using her for….sex? Love? A Brazilian fetish?

Sex Education

A few days after moving in, Larissa looked at Eric’s phone without his knowledge. She found old text messages between Eric and a mystery woman after he and Larissa first broke up. Apparently Eric had said that Larissa was “a terrible mother and didn’t take showers”; Larissa calls the woman to find out the truth.

“Larissa, I don’t know you,” the woman begins. “But all I can tell you is that guy is the worst man, and calling him a man is an insult to real men.” She had met him in Colorado Springs where his family lives. They hung out one night, and Eric spent most of the time “bashing” Larissa in front of his parents. He also brought up intimate subjects.

“He’s like a b**ch. He’s like your best friend that turns against you. He’s like a woman,” Larissa says back. The woman tells her that she was shocked to learn they got back together. Larissa vents that she can no longer trust Eric.

Apparently Colt also had invited Eric to his house after Eric and Larissa had broken up. Their conversation included comparisons about how Larissa would perform oral sex. “I forgave Eric because I believe he had a good heart, but now I know that Eric ran to Colt and said all my secrets. I don’t believe I can trust Eric again,” Larissa explains in a confessional.

She rushes to hang up once Eric arrives back to their now-shared apartment. “He told about my sexuality, the way I like to make sex, the way that I don’t like to make sex but in a very pejorative way,” Larissa quietly says to the camera. “I feel destroyed now. I feel very sad. Now I want to change my hair, I want to change my face. I feel as a woman, destroyed.”

Previews

Next week, Syngin and Tania land in South Africa, Angela shares her medical scare with Michael, and Debbie fills Vanessa in on the drama with Jess. “I will do everything in my power to sabotage his relationship,” she boasts.

Paul has trouble finding work because of his criminal record, and his mother calls him a “deadbeat.” Plus, Asuelu and Kalani arrive in Washington, and Larissa confronts Eric. And of course, Elizabeth’s dad tries to fight Andrei.

See you next week!

90 Day Fiancé: Happily Ever After?, Sundays, 8/7c, TLC