‘Abbott Elementary’: 10 Best Cold Opens, Ranked
Abbott Elementary has been a hit show for the past couple television seasons, garnering critical acclaim, audience praise, and several Emmys and Golden Globes for the actors, writers, and creative team. It has made the show’s creator, writer, and star Quinta Brunson a household name, given iconic actors like Sheryl Lee Ralph and Lisa Ann Walter their dues, and boosted the careers of actors like Tyler James Williams and Janelle James, among others. With the show’s massive success and it being renewed for a third season, Abbott Elementary proves itself to be the sitcom that keeps on giving.
In case you are unfamiliar with the show, it is a workplace sitcom and mockumentary that follows the teaching staff at Abbott Elementary, an underfunded public school in Philadelphia. The series has been praised for its ability to balance charm and hilarity with socially conscious discussions of relevant topics. Primarily, the show engages with how the American education system underfunds public schools, especially when a majority of a school’s student body come from underserved and marginalized communities, and undervalues teachers. This is also a testament to Abbott Elementary‘s writing, especially since it’s well-written and developed with distinct personalities that contribute to the ensemble cast comedy of the show.
Though Abbott Elementary is superb all around, its cold opens have been given particular attention. Whether consistent with the episode they occur in or not, these are hilarious and heartwarming. Like the show, all the cold opens are strong. But, here is a ranking of 10 of the best, from our least favorite (but still a winner!) to the one we can’t get enough of.
Abbott Elementary, Wednesdays, 9/8c, ABC
Season 2 Episode 7: "Attack Ad"
During a game of Red Light, Green Light with his class, Gregory is interrupted by Jacob (Chris Perfetti) asking if he heard about an incident with a student’s mother. Multitasking is essential to being a good teacher, so Gregory continues the game with his students as Jacob details a student’s mother running into trouble with law enforcement. He yells “red light” when a development in the story becomes juicy, and “green light” when it becomes boring. The kids stopping and starting in the background of Gregory and Jacob make this cold open entertaining.
Season 2 Episode 4: "The Principal's Office"
Mrs. Howard (Ralph) is definitely that person at a birthday party. In this cold open, Barbara’s kindergarten class is celebrating Ryan’s sixth birthday. As the kids sing “Happy Birthday,” Barbara’s vocals float above the rest. Ryan indicates that this is not the first time this has happened, muttering to himself, “Here she goes again.” The students give up singing one by one. Eye rolls, face-palms, and bored visages don the kids’ faces as they wait for Barbara to finish her one-woman show.
Season 2 Episode 8: "Egg Drop"
While tending their garden, Jacob and Barbara find what appears to be a human bone buried in the garden bed. Melissa (Walter) simply says, “Nope,” and flees the scene with the other two not far behind her. Mr. Johnson (William Stanford Davis) initially claims responsibility for the prank, but he expresses confusion at whether he hid his bone in the garden or not. Gregory then takes credit for it, telling the camera that the bone was from a cow before warning, “Stay out of my garden.” If it weren’t for Gregory, Abbott would have another problem added onto their plate. Mr. Johnson should give us some answers, though.
Season 1 Episode 1: "Pilot"
In the series premiere, the central conflict at the heart of the series is outlined. The cold open also introduced us to Janine Teagues, whom Brunson plays with an endearing optimism that solidified to audiences the bright future of Abbott Elementary and how Janine’s “look on the bright side” mentality can withstand anything, even a kid peeing on a rug.
Season 1 Episode 6: "Gifted Program"
Janine tries to teach a young student named Sydnee math by counting potatoes. However, Sydnee is hung up on the fact she doesn’t like potatoes. A cook from the cafeteria comes in and busts Janine for taking potatoes to use in her classroom. He gathers the potatoes up and continues the math lesson by telling her she now has zero potatoes. Sydnee exclaims in delight. It is a cute scene between Janine and her students that dovetails nicely with the theme of the episode.
Season 2 Episode 6: "Candy Zombies"
Nothing beats a Halloween episode! Though the interaction between Jacob and Mr. Johnson, who tells the teacher a scary story about a janitor who died in the basement of Abbott on Halloween, is funny, the best part of the cold open is how nobody understands Gregory’s costume. Dressed as pilot Sully Sullenberger, Jacob believes Gregory is Kareem Abdul-Jabbar from the movie Airplane! while Mr. Johnson corrects that Gregory is his friend, Steve. Gregory is shocked no one knows to whom his costume is referring. To rub salt in the wound, after Gregory guesses Jacob is dressing up as the Hamburgler, Mr. Johnson replies that Jacob is obviously wage theft. You can’t win ‘em all.
Season 1 Episode 7: "Art Teacher"
A retirement party is thrown for the volunteer art teacher Cathy, whose name most of the staff cannot seem to remember. This awkward moment is filled with hilarity. Barbara and Melissa express puzzlement toward the camera at what the art teacher’s name could be, and Ava, as always, delivers an offhand remark with comedic prowess (“Is she a gym teacher? I don’t really mess with gym teachers. Their voices never match their faces”). Janine being her thoughtful self is the only staff member who knows Cathy. She brings her a cake and lists factoids about the art teacher, only to have Cathy quietly ask Barbara Janine’s name.
Season 2 Episode 18: "Teacher Appreciation"
When in doubt about an outfit, add a hat! Except if you work at Abbott Elementary. Or you’re Gregory, who walks into the break room wearing a fancy (and big) new hat. Each of the teachers makes cracks at how unsightly the hat is on him. Ava asks Gregory if he robbed Bruno Mars’ closet à la The Bling Ring, and Janine can’t help but make a pun about how the prominent hat would be worn by someone in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Bad Hats. In a huff, Gregory takes off the hat, only for Mr. Johnson to put it on and have everyone love it.
Season 2 Episode 21: "Mom"
The comedy gold of this scene comes from Janelle James. Ava is revealed to be a fan of magic tricks when she walks in on Jacob performing some for his students, who seem less than enthused. However, Ava is ecstatic. When Melissa walks in and starts calling out all the secrets of the tricks, Ava gets defensive, remarking, “the magic doesn’t work if you lie, Melissa.” The best part of the cold open arrives at the end, when the card Melissa picked appears on the back of her jacket as she is leaving. The students and Ava erupt in cheers. It is just another example of a hilariously wholesome moment on Abbott Elementary.
Season 2 Episode 2: "Wrong Delivery"
It’s the cold open that sent the internet ablaze. While in the staff room, Jacob brings up the question of what actor should play the next Spider-Man after Tom Holland. Ava offers up 50 Cent, adding that Spider-Man should be played by a Black actor. Barbara agrees, putting Beverly Hills, 90210 actor Brian Austin Green’s hat in the ring when she means Brian Tyree Henry. Before Gregory can correct Barbara that Green is a white actor, Janine and Jacob stop him.
The rest of the teachers reveal in addresses to the camera that Barbara frequently mistakes white celebrities for Black ones, especially when they have similar-sounding names. Some notable mix-ups include Tommy Lee Jones for James Earl Jones, Carrie Underwood for Kerry Washington, and Millie Bobby Brown for Bobby Brown. It has become a running joke among the staff. The cold open is perfect in how it plays off the ensemble cast’s comedic timing, the highlight being Ralph’s genuine and hilarious delivery. Even funnier? Brunson wrote the viral cold open after an actual mix-up that occurred with Ralph, who believed director and producer Darren Star and actor Orlando Bloom to be Black.
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