Best Lines of the Week (September 10-16): ‘The Story of New York Is Gross’
We’re plunging head-first into the beginnings of new Fall television, which is already filled with plenty of quick-witted jokes and exciting premises. But at the same time, we’ve also said goodbye to a fan-favorite comedy.
New series like Only Murders in the Building and Doogie Kamealoha, M.D. bring new plots and intriguingly specific locations to the table. On the comedy side, Ted Lasso continues to both tug at the heart and keep us amused, while Brooklyn 99 brought about its last laugh in its series finale.
Scroll down for all of our favorites this week!
Only Murders in the Building (Hulu)
“How was the chillin’ in Washington Square Park? Was it, like, so chill? Did you chill it up so hard?”
— Charles (Steve Martin) hysterically confronts Mabel (Selena Gomez) when discovering she lied about her location.
The Other Two (HBO Max)
Cary: “Who are you?”
Shuli: “I cannot tell you who I am.”
Cary: “Why not?”
Shuli: “Because I farted and I’m embarrassed.”
— Shuli (Wanda Sykes) tries to disguise her identity in the bathroom stall next to Cary (Drew Tarver) so she can tell him he’s being used by another actor for publicity.
Brooklyn Nine-Nine (NBC)
“The story of New York is gross.”
— Terry (Terry Crews) after hearing Jake (Andy Samberg) reduce the history of New York to a bag of bar brawl teeth
What If…? (Disney+)
“Heroes are not born. They are forged in darkness, shaped in battle, defined by sacrifice.”
— The Watcher (Jeffrey Wright) describes Tony Stark’s journey as Iron Man in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.
Nine Perfect Strangers (Hulu)
Frances: “I’m just feeling very odd. And I don’t mean just high. I mean like very, very weird in a new kind of way. Is that just me?”
Jessica: “Yesterday I was on all fours looking for my nose.”
— Frances (Melissa McCarthy) and Jessica (Samara Weaving) discuss their experiences on hallucinogenic drugs.
Ted Lasso (Apple TV+)
Phoebe: “Maybe we can stop swearing together.”
Roy: “F**k you.”
— Roy (Brett Goldstein) and his niece Phoebe (Elodie Blomfield) after she gets in trouble for swearing at school.
Lucifer (Netflix)
Random man: “Hey, Daddy.”
Lucifer: “That’s where you are wrong buddy boy. I’m here to prove that I am no one’s daddy”
— Lucifer (Tom Ellis) comically responds to a flirtatious greeting while on a mission to prove he is not Rory’s (Brianna Hildebrand) father.
The Circle (Netflix)
“Jay-Z, Eminem, I’m coming for your career, bitch.”
— Daniel Cusimano to himself before competing in a rap battle
Doogie Kamealoha, M.D. (Disney+)
“Sorry I’m late. My mom has a date tonight so we were waxing her legs. She must really like him, ‘cause we did both sides.”
— Steph (Emma Meisel) as she climbs into Lahela’s (Peyton Elizabeth Lee) window
Nailed It! (Netflix)
Kendal: “It looks like a parakeet.”
Nicole: “We asked you to make a parrot…”
Kendal: “Oh. They’re the same thing.”
– Contestant Kendal and host Nicole Byer after the former reveals her creation
From TV Guide Magazine
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