Best Lines of the Week (August 6-August 12): ‘Obviously Imperialism Was Bad’
Fall is just a few weeks away and we’re already seeing some exciting premieres on our screens. Brooklyn Nine-Nine returned for its final season with some outrageous political jokes, while Marvel’s What If…? gave us a taste of an alternate reality when it kicked off this week.
Elsewhere, Ted Lasso showed us some awkward-but-funny family drama, The White Lotus continued to impress with just how terrible all of its characters are as people, and Reservation Dogs proved once again how funny Taika Waititi‘s off-kilter comedy can be.
Scroll down for all of our favorites this week!
Brooklyn Nine-Nine (NBC)
“Yeah, you’re lucky you weren’t here on Juneteenth, he went full Schumer.”
— Terry (Terry Crews) remembers Boyle’s (Joe Lo Truglio) white guilt manifesting in wearing a dashiki like Senator Chuck Schumer.
American Horror Stories (FX)
“This ain’t no f*cking marriage retreat, and I sure as hell ain’t Dr. Phil. You can work out your sh*t later. We need to keep moving.”
— Birch (Blake Shields), a hunter trying to help a couple find their missing child, has no problem being sarcastic when he tells them to stop fighting.
MasterChef: Legends (Fox)
Gordon: “It’s taken us 10 years to get him here, so…”
Roy: “I’m shy.”
— Gordon Ramsay joking about how long it took to get Roy Choi to guest star.
Dave (FX)
“The sun is eviscerating me ‘cause of the Accutane.”
— Dave (Lil Dicky) models as part of a billboard advertising his new album high up in the sky.
Philly Philly Wang Wang (Netflix)
“I can’t wait to do the show. I hope it is all still relevant. This show is about Brexit and how much I want to meet Prince Philip.”
— Comedian Phil Wang jokes about the pandemic and his jokes being too outdated for this long overdue show.
White Lotus (HBO)
“Look, obviously imperialism was bad. Shouldn’t kill people, steal their land, and then make them dance. Everybody knows that. But it’s humanity.”
— Mossbacher patriarch Mark (Steve Zahn) gets really close to understanding why his daughter’s friend doesn’t like seeing native Hawaiians dance for them, but just misses the point.
Ted Lasso (Apple TV+)
Nora: “Then you’re coming back, right?”
Rebecca: “Yes, why?”
Nora: “Ah, just making sure you’re not gonna disappear for another six years.”
— Nora (Kiki May) cracks a joke at her absent godmother Rebecca’s (Hannah Waddingham) expense.
Rick and Morty (Adult Swim)
“Morty, I’m trying to stay humble right now, but as soon as you guys are gone, the potential for a new Pickle Rick starts skyrocketing.”
— Rick (Justin Roiland) warns his family about what they’re in for if they stick around in a callback to the classic episode where Rick became a pickle.
What If…? (Disney+)
Peggy: The way people view me has changed. I’m no longer screaming to be heard, to be seen, to be in the room…
Steve: To be respected.
— Peggy (Hayley Atwell) describes to Steve (Josh Keaton) how her experience with sexism has changed after becoming Captain Carter.
Reservation Dogs (FX)
Bear: “Seat belt safety.”
Elora: “We’re stealing a f*cking chip truck.”
— Elora Danan (Kawennáhere Devery Jacobs) scoffs at Bear Smallhill (D’Pharaoh Woon-A-Ta) for telling her to wear a seatbelt as they’re stealing a truck.
From TV Guide Magazine
Crime, Comedy & Convenience Stores: Unwrapping Hulu's 'Deli Boys' With the Cast
Cupcakes, corndogs…and cocaine?! Two brothers find themselves in a hilarious pickle when they inherit an unseemly bodega biz in Hulu’s new comedy Deli Boys. Find out how The Sopranos and Real Housewives of Orange County influenced the cast. Read the story now on TV Insider.
Watchlist Easy access to only the shows you care about — all in one simple place
Alerts Only important notifications — when a show is returning, when it becomes available to stream, and more.
Special Offers Exclusive products we release related to your favorite shows and streaming services